Yorkshire Sucks ~ Avoid it Like the Plague !
Unless you’ve just tuned in today you’ll all be perfectly, or is it painfully, aware that I live in Avalon Lincolnshire.
The idea of leaving The Emerald County is extremely unpleasant and generally best avoided in all but the most dire of emergencies.
You’ll no doubt recall some of my words on the subject in the past (hopefully memorized and oft quoted by you dear reader)
It’s well known travel narrows the mind
Travel often liberates emotions best kept in check well, here’s another for you based on today’s escapade
Nothing good ever comes of anything undertaken outside the confines of Lincolnshire
Today saw me in Yorkshire !
“You fool” I hear you cry “You’ve ignored your own protestations”
I should have known better, of course I should, yesterday saw me in Lincoln the day before saw me travelling along the East Coast - every day in fact I’ve been immersed in the glorious wonders contained in the finest place on Mithras’ earth.
So what possessed me - well in fairness it was business. Well when I say business, it involved meeting at Hellaby Hall, talking, laughing, joking, eating and drinking before switching a few boxes from one car to another.
I know it sounds tough and for me it was . . . a hard days yakka in fact 
The day started ahead of schedule somewhat. Yesterday your host said
“How long do you think it takes to get to Hellaby Hall ?”
“I’d plan on 2 hours” came the educated reply
I got there in 58 minutes !
Now, if you ever visit Hellaby Hall, near Rotherham South Yorkshire, and feel a little peckish then a civilized sandwich may be just the ticket - and indeed it was.
Do remember one thing though - when going for the bill don’t forget the KY Jelly 
I’ve never had a prostate exam performed with a baseball bat but it’s likely I now have an inclination as to what to expect should that unlikely event ever take place.
Here’s the bill - I’m looking at it now
-
2x Coffee
2x Beef and Horseradish Sandwiches
1x Ham and Mustard Sandwich
Total £26.75
Yes folks 3 sandwiches and a pot of coffee over 25 guineas !
My brother knows a thing or two about Country House Hotels, albeit proper ones unlike this place, and no doubt it’ll amuse him 
even more so when I mention the bread was standard white sliced !
If the whole jaunt wasn’t a tax write off it would have been expensive 
So patient reader once again I feel vindicated in my, admittedly occasionally hostile and dogmatic, stance and utterances.
Don’t leave Lincolnshire and if you absolutely must then certainly don’t go to Yorkshire - those bloody Yorkies would . . .
Walk a mile in the snow to chisel an orphan out of a shilling ( © PG Wodehouse )
Here is a picture of an Aston Martin - for no other reason than it is a thing of pure beauty
Needless to say I took the picture in Lincoln and not Yorkshire (incidentally for those abroad, those of Yorkshire origin are renowned as being almost as tight with money as the Scots)
A fabulous motor car and sadly too rich for your hosts blood, the preserve of Film Stars, Premier League footballers and Sandwich Sellers in Yorkshire.
Aston Martin
Pleased to Be Homedly Yours
Rod
Little Brother said,
July 24, 2009 @ 9:51 pm
Rod,
CASHBACK!!!!!! claim it on entertainment expenses!
LB
Annie Flinn said,
July 25, 2009 @ 1:27 am
Yikes!!! I guess my first question would be: did you eat all that food by yourself? If the answer is “yes,” the second question would be: do you have a hollow leg into which the food drops? My third and last question–may I have one of those Aston Martins for Christmas, please?
Humorous post with which to lighten one’s day. Thank you.
Rod said,
July 25, 2009 @ 8:16 am
LB,
Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs no longer allow claims for “Client Entertainment” as it’s known.
I’ll get it under “subsistence” though although at my age it probably should be called “subsidence”
RC
Rod said,
July 25, 2009 @ 8:20 am
Annie,
it was for two but the the amount on each portion was that small I really could have eaten the lot myself and not felt full. I am renowned, amongst those who feed me, as having a legendary appetite but it’s not hollow legs that’s the secret - it’s my hollow head
I’m replacing my Aston with a new model so you can have my old one for Mithrasmas
Cheers
Rod
Femme Fatale said,
July 25, 2009 @ 8:41 am
Rod,
I am confused as to why you ever leave lincolnshire, especially to a place called “Hell(aby) Hall”, did the name not tell you something
At least you are back safely in your comfort zone
:
FF
xx
Rod said,
July 25, 2009 @ 9:26 am
FF,
you’re right - absolutely - I’ll never leave this Sainted Place again !
“Hell(aby) Hall”,
That’s gag/pun of the day - brilliant - henceforth let it be know as Hades Hall
Regards
Rod
Annie Flinn said,
July 25, 2009 @ 6:36 pm
Rod,
Thanks for your kind offer of the used Aston; I shall eagerly await its arrival.
Annie