Women the Basics By the Coxeman
A quick guide to the basics of women and how to handle them
Please Note: This is a guest post and the opinions expressed are not necessarily those of the site owner, Rod Collins.
I am always amazed when I see men struggling to get women, or when they’ve got one how to handle them properly. Gentlemen, let me tell you it’s relatively easy.
I shall be spreading this gold dust out over a period of time - so stay tuned.
One of the fundamentals
Do Not Overestimate Women !
This is an easy mistake to make, there is a media onslaught telling men that women are equal, they can drive cars, vote and even go to work.
Now we are where we are, the clock cannot be turned back but do not let this feminine advance interfere with your manliness, assume your male superiority and your confidence will flow.
How do I do that I hear you ask!
Well, take the 3 random points I cited above
- Driving
- Voting
- Working
My response
- They can go forward but cannot reverse or park
- Women voting gave us Tony Blair
- At work they’re liable to break down in tears under pressure or disappear for a year pregnant and on full pay
So you get the general idea and now you know you have the upper hand.
Now a few basic props for the would be womanizer
Flowers
All women are suckers for a bunch of flowers, these never fail !
Roses are still the best - they guarantee success
Aftershave
Pile it on !
Never mind a dab behind the ears, women love to be engulfed by a tidal wave of Stallion.
Sadly, Stallion is exclusive to me but you could use Brut or Hi Karate
Chest Hair
No nancy-boy chest waxing men !
Get those shirt buttons undone (medallion optional)
Chocolates
No woman can resist eating chocolate
These should only be given to girlfriends not wives!
Reason: now you’re married she is probably already expanding rapidly and needs no encouragement
Summary
This is just the beginning of a masterclass gentlemen, I will write another part when I get time. I currently have my hands full, literally, in Istanbul. I need to retrieve some sensitive documents and nail the last 12 of the 32 chambermaids in my hotel.
Feel free to proffer your opinions be you a superior male or a girlie
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman
Witches of Eastwick said,
July 31, 2006 @ 11:23 pm
Dear Mr Damon,
Naturally we agree with all of the above with just a few exceptions ……
1. Driving …. men keep designing and making vehicles that seem to break down constantly. The average multi-tasking female should be learning about mechanics from the earliest age and then go on to design cars without all that nasty black grease which does the finger nails no good.
2. Voting …. women know that regardless of who one votes for, it makes no difference to the end result.
3. Working …. 9-5 is easier than bringing up children we all know that. Women if you’re still making the coffee at meetings rather than making the decisions, you’re in the wrong job. Ditch the males in your life and get on with ruling the world.
4. Flowers …. now listen up, this is clearly the biggest issue and it’s high time we set the record straight. Roses have become plastic and invariably droop the next day and are a bit on the boring side quite frankly. We don’t like carnations either, they lack imagination. We like flowers with style and perfume if possible. Most of the women we know buy flowers for themselves to avoid the above disasters.
5. Aftershave …. stick to the classics, less likely to develop a rash.
6. Chest Hair …. that’s fine. Only olympic medal winners should be flashing their medallions.
7. Choccies …. seduction in it’s purest form so no cheap rubbish here if you please. Girls try not to show your disappointment when he gives you out of date choccies from the local garage (who probably sell the very carnations he’s just presented with the ‘that should do the trick’ glint in his eye.
Our broomstick awaits, designed by mother nature it cannot fail.
Kind regards, WOE
The Coxeman said,
August 1, 2006 @ 8:13 am
Dear Witches of Eastwick
Nonsense! just wear a short skirt and low cut top. If you break down dozens of men will stop to help
It seems that David Cameron is surging ahead with the female vote - they think him more attractive ! - enough said on that point.
I think women should be able to vote but their’s should only count for say, half a man’s vote
All very well but where would they live - unless they keep the man’s house of course
Nothing The Coxeman offers you will ever droop !
I always give Milk Tray !
One reason is I get them free for life after standing in as the Milk Tray Man in a series of TV adverts.
They needed a handsome adventurer and called for Rod Damon
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman
Witches of Eastwick said,
August 1, 2006 @ 11:10 am
Dear Mr Damon
Surely you mean Fry’s Turkish Delight ….. how are things in Istanbul?
Would love to chat but have to learn the principles of the combustion engine before throwing together a gastronomic treat for lunch.
p.s. thanks for the Milk Tray … we are rendering them down in the cauldron to recreate a Godiva collection! WOE
The Coxeman said,
August 1, 2006 @ 11:40 am
Documents recovered, 2 chambermaids left, flying home tomorrow morning
Forget the car engine and service - stick to the kitchen!
If you need anything servicing - call for Rod Damon
Keep it Up
The Coxeman
Rod said,
August 3, 2006 @ 7:14 pm
The coxeman certainly seems popular
Over 2,500 have looked at this page already !
Regards
Rod
The Coxeman said,
August 3, 2006 @ 7:16 pm
Of course I’m popular - moron !
You wait till I really get cracking, I’ll light this lame, limp wristed site up - make something of it for you.
No need to thank me !
Keep it Up!
The Coxeman
witches of Eastwick said,
August 6, 2006 @ 7:59 pm
Dear Rod and Rod,
We were wondering if you would kindly give us your thoughts on women cyclists wearing zip up lycra tops and lycra cycling shorts? We have purchased a bicycle, all well and good, but alas our usual long flowing robes are slowing us down a bit! Hope you can help, WoE
Rod said,
August 7, 2006 @ 8:33 am
Dear WoE,
sorry to hear the brooms are no longer the favoured method of transport.
I am afraid I am slightly uneasy about this subject.
I am inclined to say that a bicycle is not really a suitable appendage for a lady of distinction, such as yourself.
I am sure I need not comment on the potential horror of men wearing lycra cycling wear - extremely unpleasant !
The clothing you mention certainly appeals, though may be more suited to indoor pursuits!
Regards
Rod
The Coxeman said,
August 7, 2006 @ 8:39 am
Well Helllllllo Witchy
Never mind what nancy-Boy has to say about this, or anything else for that matter.
I am all in favour of ladies in lycra, especially cyclists. All that friction sets them off !
I reminded of an exhausting week in Holland, lady cyclists everywhere, more lycra than you could shake a stick (or anything else) at.
Granted, some were ill advised in their choice of clothing but for the main part - very nice !
So Witchy
Get the gear on
Get you leg over (the crossbar)
And take care not to get knocked off
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman
witches of Eastwick said,
August 7, 2006 @ 10:10 pm
Thank you dear boys, for your advice. With that I cycled off to the nearest sporty outfitters to be measured and underwired (industrial strength). Much to my surprise they used a shoe horn to get me into the gear … it’s certainly going to take time to get used to this new look. I estimate weeks/months of cycling before the suit fits properly.
Do not despair, my bicycle is a stylish silver machine complete with shopping basket for the all important daily purchases and a complete change of clothes incase the lycra doesn’t perform satisfactorily! Sadly the lipstick applicator accessory was temporarily out of stock.
I am reminded of Paul Newman and Katherine Ross in the bicycle scene of Butch Cassidy & Sundance …. reality never was my strong point.
Regards WoE
Rod said,
August 8, 2006 @ 7:41 am
Reality, in my experience is highly overrated. Live in a dream world - much more enjoyable
The Coxeman said,
August 8, 2006 @ 7:44 am
I spoke to a ladyfriend of mine whose vocation requires her to wear skintight rubber and PVC clothing and asked her for any tips that may help.
Apparantly the trade secret is talcum powder.
A light dusting all over means you slip straight in just like [censored by site owner]
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman