Women Are Genetically Predisposed Hussies
Good Tidings You Miserable Sinners
It’s Rev. M Aural Ayegrownd here with my first sermon, lecture alright then article !
Women Cannot Help Being Loose and Immoral - But that’s No Excuse !
Those of us with religious and classical educations are only too aware of the pitfalls awaiting the potential sinner. The reason for most men falling off the moral rails can usually be traced back to one, or both, of two things - women and strong drink.
I have long held the belief that women have looser morals than men - this has been pointed out throughout the ages and harks back to the Garden of Eden when Eve ruined everything for us !
This is clearly why God insists on punishing women for their sins !
You may think I sound a little bitter and I have to confess that women have played a large part in my downfall. Naturally I bear no blame for this - their sinful and manipulative ways are entirely the cause.
Were it not for those bloody nuns I should still be enjoying my position as parish priest, not that the job was enjoyable, bloody bore really, but the stipend and vicarage were pleasant !
Anyway, back to the job in hand - loose women !
Some of you miserable sinners who are already consigned to the depths of hell are no doubt shouting Darwinism at me
There was no Adam and Eve - we evolved over time etc
This brings us to the final coup de grace
Female Monkeys Have Been Selling Sex for Fruit !
This is proven scientific fact and shows that it must be something genetic in all women !
Female monkeys in the jungle will offer male monkeys sex in exchange for fruit. They try to attract the monkeys who have found the most fruit - see nothing changes !
I strongly advise all men out there to lead a life free from sin and vice - to do this you really must avoid women, and choir boys for that matter but we’ll not get into that !
Take it from someone who has been cruelly led astray.
No good comes of mixing with loose women.
Repent Now
Rev. M. Aural Ayegrownd
Jordan said,
September 13, 2007 @ 12:23 pm
Rev M.AA
“Female monkeys in the jungle will offer male monkeys sex in exchange for fruit”
Men in a pub/club will offer women sex in exchange for drink.
So what’s the difference?
Whether it be a fruit, or a drink, or a new dinner service, or a new car. We are all paying for sex everyday of our adulthood. married, single, on the pull or whatever.
Jordan
The Coxeman said,
September 13, 2007 @ 12:39 pm
I’m with the lovely Jordan on this one !
Everyone’s at it and everyone’s out for whatever they can get !
What’s the big deal ?
I hope none of the women I ever meet listen to your preaching.
If all the women I’ve known were chaste and virtuous just look what they’d have missed out on !
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman
Witches of Eastwick said,
September 13, 2007 @ 1:43 pm
Dear Rev
Have we met before? Our crystal ball keeps showing tinned fruit salad - you always were a cheap date
Female monkeys then, we doubt any exchange of fruit would be necessary. In the pheromone-charged atmosphere of the jungle (or nightclub) the traditional bunch of flowers has been superseded by the element of surprise. If, by chance he is holding a banana, she probably won’t say no and can you blame her? Now, in human society, woman have started to buy their own flowers which should be a wake-up call for all men … well those in the floristry business anyway! The art of seduction has evolved from the fruit bowl to clever words we suspect, although probably not in Grimsby but you’ll have to ask RC about that. We’re sure the womenfolk of Lincolnshire for a start, lament the passing of the days when all one needed to do was wear a flouncy skirt and carry a pocket full of plums.
So Rev, you’ve been defrocked have you? Lucky you … the witches thought their time was up when some nice customs men came onboard our luxury liner. Sadly they were only interested in passports, we were obviously a day late and an apple short as they say
WoE
p.s. we’ll take your advice and dress like Carmen Miranda next time …
The Reverend said,
September 13, 2007 @ 3:30 pm
Dear Jordan
I care only for your mortal soul - somebody has to !
I worry that you too may be leading a sinful life from the words you write.
Please tell me you do not drink or listen to Rock Music !
I am also concerned at your mentions of sex and single people.
I hope everyone out there is saving themselves for their marriage day !
Ohhhhhh the sheer depravity of it all
Repent Now
Rev. M. Aural Ayegrownd
The Reverend said,
September 13, 2007 @ 3:37 pm
Ms WoE
another woman - they’re everywhere !
No wonder that hedonistic and debauched filth hound The Coxeman hovers around here.
I sense an artistic bent in you from the way you write - I do hope this is not true my child ?
Little in the world is more sinful than wishing to lead an artistic life.
The sin and vanity of gazing at apprent beautiful objects you or others have created is a sure-fire route to hell !
Only things created by The Almighty should be gazed upon adoringly !
You Have Been Warned
Rev. M. Aural Ayegrownd
Rod said,
September 13, 2007 @ 3:40 pm
woman have started to buy their own flowers which should be a wake-up call for all men
What do you mean started ?
The ones I’ve known have always bought their own flowers
Best
RC (ignorant as to what florists do)
Witches of Eastwick said,
September 13, 2007 @ 5:49 pm
Dear Rev
Save your prayers for more deserving souls. The witches have dipped their toe into life’s artistic river and we can report the waters were warm and abundant with life … mankind were just dragging themselves up onto land, womankind had already found Harvey Nicks and were long gone
See you next sunday for confessional … there won’t be much time after we ‘hear’ the Coxeman’s revelations so bring a sandwich and a flask!
WoE
Witches of Eastwick said,
September 13, 2007 @ 6:01 pm
Rod,
What’s wrong with you man, get into a florist and buy some flowers (or a plant, not a venus fly trap though) for your Mother and the long suffering women in your life. Perhaps it might strike a cord with you when we point out that’s it’s calorie free!
WoE
… and don’t give us the old ‘value for money’ thing
Rod said,
September 13, 2007 @ 7:36 pm
WoE
buy some flowers (or a plant, not a venus fly trap though) for your Mother and the long suffering women in your life
I don’t need to sweeten my Mother up - she has to like me it’s the rules
As to other women the fragrant bouquet of my personality shold suffice
Little Brother said,
September 13, 2007 @ 7:37 pm
WoE,
You can’t beat a vase of lillies in your dining room now and then or so ‘House and Garden’ tell me!!!!
Yours in conde nast publications
LB (today’s modern man)
Witches of Eastwick said,
September 13, 2007 @ 8:19 pm
LB,
There’s much your brother could learn from you and your social graces. Do you think it’s too late for him? We’ll ask the Rev if he can be saved
Stick with the lillies - mine are looking dazzling as usual.
WoE
p.s. still taking GQ?
Little Brother said,
September 13, 2007 @ 10:05 pm
WoE,
I think my brother is beyond help, to be honest I gave up about 25 years ago.
As for GQ, no I don’t read it anymore, it no longer ranks up there with the other publications. Esquire and Arena aren’t bad but generally speaking they’ve all become tedious. Food and Travel is not bad this month!
LB