Why Am I So Fat ? ~ The Coxeman Speaks Out !
Why Am I So Fat ?
If you ever wondered then wonder no more as guest writer, international counterspy and legendary lothario Rod Damon aka The Coxeman is back !
Read on if you dare
Rod Damon is Back
Good day fans of plain speaking !
I’m sorry it’s been so long but my undercover work and philandering leaves me with precious little time. I was touched to hear from the site owner that there had been enquiries about me and at his request have scribbled a few words for you whilst on my way to another mission.
As usual, I expect the site owner will edit what I say (owner edit: Yes I’ve heavily censored this) but you’ll get the idea and don’t blame me for speaking the plain truth and not being politically correct
Looking for inspiration I picked up the newspaper and saw that:
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The government has instructed doctors not to use the medical term obese any more when referring to fat people.
Although a legitimate medical term, the government feels it may upset people
Needless to say this brought out a mother proudly displaying her daughter for the cameras who has the honour of being Britain’s fattest teenager at about 30 stone !
Followed by another fat woman who at 20 stone claims it’s not her fault, it’s because she cannot afford to eat healthily
In discussing this with the site owner, Rod Collins, he made the point that he wonders how she could afford, with food prices today, to buy the amount of food required to over double her ideal weight !
If you want to know why you are overweight then here are the reason why you are:
What is is that makes you fat
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You are greedy and eat too much
You are lazy and won’t take exercise
You eat junk instead of proper healthy food
What it is not
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Genetic
Your metabolism
Your level of income
Having had children
Glandular
The contraceptive pill or other medications
etc etc
What Can I Do About It ?
1: Stop looking for excuses
2: Take responsibility for yourself
It’s A Female Issue
I see this as largely a female issue (site owner edit: Oh no - here we go!), of course it’s OK for a man to carry a little weight, indeed many men look more distinguished when they are a little portly.
However it’s not a good look for women.
I get a lot of letters sent in because of my Agony Uncle Page and many of them are from women despairing of finding a good man - well is it any wonder when they are all overweight !
What man needs the job, or indeed the expense of feeding her, of having to:
Tell her how nice she looks in her new frock when in fact she doesn’t
Listen to her saying “I can’t understand it I hardly eat anything”
Watch her reading celebrity diets whilst sitting on her ever expanding butt eating chocolate
I could go on and on and on and …
I am reminded of a quote from a great man and uber male - the one and only
Dick Masterson who said:
 It’s not a man’s job to make a fat woman feel good about herself 
|
Thankfully my SAS training and legendary stamina in bed means I am getting plenty of exercise so subsequently very fit.
My diet, when in the country, consists largely of food supplied by Fortnum & Mason, Harrods and Michelin starred restaurants.
I acknowledge that not everybody can follow my healthy eating routine and eating only the finest food available in London or
is man enough to have 5 hour a night marathon sex sessions !
So The Coxeman Health and Diet Plan is not for everybody - though I suspect it would be popular if it was available free of charge on The National Health Service !
Keep it Up *
The Coxeman
* If you can that is and don’t have type 2 diabetes caused by obesity !
The Coxeman Will Return !
the dinosaur said,
August 5, 2008 @ 6:14 pm
Coxey, if you eat largely at Michelin starred restaurants doesn’t this make you a “Michelin Man” ?
WoE said,
August 5, 2008 @ 6:45 pm
Dear Mr Damon (SAS Superstar Magazine Centrefold 1975),
As ever from you, food for thought hopefully low fat though
On the portly man front…. we would have to agree. In fact it’s a damn shame that some of them march about all skin and bone looking like aged rock stars who forgot to eat….. we’d plump (!) for a sturdy frame every time given the chance 
Perhaps you could have a private word in his lordship’s shell-like and point out that real women are not at all sure about tall willowiness in their men….. it’s beefy they want!
Did you manage to make the team for Beijing this year for the nocturnal marathon?
Word is you’re a contender for actual bronze…. pretty impressive for a man past his prime… alas not quite a Sir Steve Redgrave effort, but it could be the only medal we win this year so do your best 
WoE
The Coxeman said,
August 5, 2008 @ 7:26 pm
Dino
I’ve been following your pithy comments with relish and know Barry Cryer who dines at my club - I could put in a word for you
Keep it Up
The Coxeman
The Coxeman said,
August 5, 2008 @ 7:31 pm
WoE
Personally speaking, I would not want to be portly !
In fact, the only good thing I can think to say about the Nancy Boy who owns this site is that he is not fat !
Of course, I know all about what women want, more than they do in fact - it’s a large part of my success (my large part is also a large part of my success)
Unfortunately due to a “diplomatic incident” I am banned from The People’s Republic of China though that’s no great loss …
The women are generally dull and unexciting - unlike Singapore and Thailand
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman
the dinosaur said,
August 5, 2008 @ 8:09 pm
Coxey, that will be “gentleman’s relish” I presume? Which fortunately doesn’t sound fattening and proves your healthy diet is genuine, well done
WoE said,
August 5, 2008 @ 10:58 pm
Coxey,
Large parts are all very well, you only have to look at David Tennant in Hamlet to know that,
but surely your success with women is largely due to women having led very sheltered lives. After a diet of dim-witted, football crazy, beer swilling males… the sight of you and your flashing medallion must seem sublime 
Congratulations, you are a niche market!
WoE