The Most Awesome Thing in the World
Do you know what the most awesome thing in the history of the world ever is ?
It’s a rhetorical question really because I know you don’t know
But I know 
How do I know ?
Coz I’ve got the mostest awesomest thing ever !
If you’re given to bouts of envy and jealousy then I recommend you go no further, I understand the temptation is even greater than a Wet Paint sign but I don’t want you to hate and envy me.
If you have the chutzpah then
If you’ve ever wondered how the other half live then wonder no longer my friends !
Being The Most Eligible Bachelor of Wybers Wood, a Freeman of the Borough, and knowing Lincolnshire Celebrities as well as being recognized on the street means I am extremely privileged and so, I’m sure you’d all agree, it’s only right and proper I live in a style most of the proletariat could only dream about 
To that extent I present to you the thing of my dreams
The Bart Bed
Lectus El Barto
(trans: Bart bed in Latin - maybe)
Yes folks I now have a Bart Simpson double quilt cover and pillow cases !!
This is, of course, unique to me, nobody in the world has another 
You cannot buy them (only Homer in double, BS is always single bed size)
What’s more this was a present and specially created from two single sets - a work of art and beyond awesome.
I’ve searched everywhere for a Bart bed set for a double bed for years now - finally I have one and I cannot tell you how satisfied and happy I am !
I now have a debt that cannot be repaid …
All the tea in China and all the riches of Croesus would not even begin to cover it !
Now, I know you are reading this and thinking what a show off and I can understand how jealous you must be but I would like you all to be happy for me and bear me no ill will.
I hope you have enjoyed this brief snapshot into the life and boudoir of your host.
I feel it’s much like MTV Cribs or Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous only more ostentatious.
Once again I just hope I don’t alienate my faithful readership with this, frankly, extravagant and boastful article and my apologies because I know you’ll all want one now but sadly it’s mine - all mine 
And my profound thanks to the originator of the idea for all the work and effort and a surprise gift that’s Beyond the Dreams of Avarice
Little Brother said,
July 23, 2008 @ 8:05 am
Rod,
I don’t know what to say! I’ll go to work and think about it.
LB
the dinosaur said,
July 23, 2008 @ 8:42 am
Rod, is this blanket coverage of the Bart subject or only pillow talk?
Jordan said,
July 23, 2008 @ 8:45 am
RC
I’m on the same side as LB on this one, i am lost for words (which does not happen very often!)
A very kind gift from someone to do this for you. Not sure what any future ladies may think
Honestly do not know what else to say!
Jordan
Little Brother said,
July 23, 2008 @ 8:56 am
Jordan
‘Not sure what any future ladies might think’-I bet you are!
LB
Rod said,
July 23, 2008 @ 8:56 am
LB
I can understand your awestruck !
Don’t be daydreaming about it when speed chopping carrots
Rod said,
July 23, 2008 @ 8:57 am
Dino
you should give up the day job and be a gag writer - the new Barry Cryer
Little Brother said,
July 23, 2008 @ 8:59 am
Rod,
‘chopping carrots’ I’ve recently promoted myself to cabbage shredder in case of staff shortages when I can combine the two jobs. The result-coleslaw
LB
Rod said,
July 23, 2008 @ 9:05 am
Jordan,
I’m lost for words that you’re lost for words
A very kind gift from someone to do this for you.
It certainly is ! I’ve wanted one for an age and I “sleep the sleep of the righteous” in it !
Such was the lure of it I was snugly tucked in at only 12.45 last night - an early night !
Not sure what any future ladies may think
I suspect chicks are not allowed in a Bart bed !
Harsh, maybe even cruel, I know but I suspect any bed bedecked in a BS bed set would have to be a chick free zone
There are rules governing such things and I am fortunate that there is a highly qualified Bartologist living locally - I shall consult with him and see if girls are allowed near the above !
WoE said,
July 23, 2008 @ 9:43 am
Rod,
To be sure, someone must like you a lot to create such a wonderful gift and it’s not even your birthday! Wearing our detective hat, we deduce this is the work of a dedicated seamstress… someone who thinks you’re worth the trouble (Mother?)… someone who might want to keep women away from that bed… but who? Could of course be a girlfriend or indeed the local sewing circle who need projects like this to test their ability to sew in a straight line? We’re still reeling from the thought that we are looking at the royal Goldeneye bed chamber, the most private of all private quarters, the stuff of legend
So then, no woman as such but in the bed linen department you are blessed
WoE
Jordan said,
July 23, 2008 @ 10:15 am
WoE
I can’t see any cuffs or anything incriminating and i have blown the scan up 500%.
LB
Touche!
RC
Your parents must be so proud!
Jordan
Rod said,
July 23, 2008 @ 10:23 am
WoE
I cannot imagine I’m worth this amount of trouble, certainly not to my mother !
As you say, the inner sanctum, I was reluctant to blog this but not for privacy issues but for fear of being seen to be gloating at having the best bed in the world
Rod
Rod said,
July 23, 2008 @ 10:27 am
Jordan
Your parents must be so proud!
This is the kind of infantile behaviour my father would expect from me, indeed I’m sure he regrets daily the expenditure of raising me
My mother is, I believe, contractually obliged to be proud. I understand this is part of a mother’s job but it cannot be easy
Rod
WoE said,
July 23, 2008 @ 11:58 am
Rod,
The Witches have had a sheltered existence in the mortal world it is true so you might be forgiven for thinking we know nothing of the possible allure of the bachelor bed chamber…. however in the wild guess category, we expect you to keep this little secret of yours packed away when Pammie drops by in case she gets the wrong impression. On second thoughts, she’d probably love it
Anyway on the off chance that some other woman might venture into the lions den, please tell us you’ll keep with white linen and rose petals 
Jordan,
We feel trouble brewing… he’s reverting to childhood passions and now that he has the bed of his dreams, we suspect he’ll rarely stray from it, becoming WW’s answer to Howard Hughes perhaps. Still, it could be worse, it could be Thomas the Tank Engine
Women Everywhere,
Does it matter what a bachelor’s bed linen looks like and now you know the truth, would you consider a blind date with RC?
WoE
Jordan said,
July 23, 2008 @ 1:11 pm
WoE
A scary thought indeed.
I think if i entered a mans bedroom to be faced with BS or the likes, no matter how ‘hot’ the man, be it Brad, George, Daniel. I think i would turn and run.
You can only feel sorry for his family.
Jordan
Rod said,
July 23, 2008 @ 3:19 pm
WoE
I have a secondary set of bed linen in case of emergency and even if Pammie herself was to turn up she’d not be allowed in the hallowed Bart Bed !
Rod
Rod said,
July 23, 2008 @ 3:22 pm
Jordan
I think if i entered a mans bedroom to be faced with BS I think i would turn and run
Very wise indeed !
A valuable maxim for all young ladies out there - avoid men with with a Lectus El Barto !
Hang on, I’m the only one who has one …
Thinking about it the maxim still holds good
Rod
WoE said,
July 23, 2008 @ 4:09 pm
Jordan,
avoid men with with a Lectus El Barto …. avoid all men with a Lectus full stop… they’re nothing but trouble
Rod,
We should celebrate your chastity as a healthy thing and leave you to concentrate on the important stuff like improving the mind
WoE
Rod said,
July 23, 2008 @ 4:24 pm
WoE
leave you to concentrate on the important stuff like improving the mind
There is nothing about me that can be improved
That is to say, everything is either as good as it’s going to be or already a write off
Rod
Femme Fatale said,
July 23, 2008 @ 8:29 pm
Rod,
Its fantastic, well worth waiting for.
You are a lucky boy
FF
xx
Rod said,
July 24, 2008 @ 8:18 am
FF
You are a lucky boy
Your deliberate use of the word ‘boy’ is duly noted
Best
Rod
Lindi Lou said,
July 24, 2008 @ 1:20 pm
Rod,Rod,Rod!
I know you look youthful but purlease! Still, if it amuses you then fantastic and all credit to the dear lady who has painstakingly created this for you; the phrase ‘Patience of a saint’ springs to mind!
Have to agree with Jordan here. I would turn and run away too, pretty quickly. Still, as you say, it is unique………enough said.
Miss Lindi
Rod said,
July 24, 2008 @ 3:58 pm
LL
my much (self) vaunted youthfulness relates more to my mental age than my physical age or appearance I suspect
Rod
WoE said,
July 24, 2008 @ 6:20 pm
Rod,
Is that quilt set coming to the Retirement Home?
Have you considered flying out of windows with a girl called Wendy?
Does being over 6′ tall make life difficult when choosing bed linen? Single, double, king, or Collins
Have you bought the quilt maker a large bunch of flowers yet?
Well at least a woman will know where she is with you… if the Barts are on, then it’s time to go, if it’s rose petals and silk sheets then she’s wandered into the wrong house
WoE
Rod said,
July 24, 2008 @ 7:44 pm
WoE
the Bart Simpson Quilt will go wherever I go !
Thankfully I’m just th eright size
Any taller then I’d look odd and struggle for beds and clothing any shorter and I’d suffer from SMS
if the Barts are on, then it’s time to go
Absolutely, it’ll be akin to the flag at Buckingham Palace
Rod