The Joy of Book Burning
Bonsoir Sinners !
It’s the Rev. M Aural Ayegrownd here with a beginners guide to book burning !
In an ideal world I would prefer to see witches and heretics burned but that’s unfortunately no longer allowed, except in Norfolk and some parts of Yorkshire of course, so we have to turn our attentions elsewhere.
That’s where book burning comes in !
It doesn’t quite stoke up the effusions like burning a sinner but it can be very satisfying non-the-less. Personally I don’t like to see a week go by without a good book burning session.
Those new to this may wish for a basic guide which is why I am preparing this and here are some FAQs
Why Burn Books ?
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99.9% of books are the work of the devil and full of filth and those that read them must be saved.
They also pass on education which is not something to be encouraged amongst the great unwashed !
Which Books Should I Burn ?
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Almost all of them ! Both fiction and non-fiction. Popular fiction writers are amongst some of the worst offenders, I love a good bestseller balefire.
Last week I personally incinerated hundreds of Harry Potter books !
What About People Who Sell Books ?
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Whilst it’s true they are peddlers of this filth I prefer to to try and save their mortal souls and convert them rather than punish them. They are a lowly and ill-educated bunch generally and like most tradesmen take some keeping on the path to righteousness !
If you want me to organize a good burning in your area or have any suggestions of books that should be burnt let me know - also if you have any questions - feel free
Repent Now !
Rev. M. Aural Ayegrownd
The Coxeman said,
September 18, 2007 @ 7:06 pm
If you hate books so much presumably you’ll be returning my illustrated copies of Arabian Nights and The Kama Sutra you borrowed last month ?
Keep it Up ! the hypocrisy that is
The Coxeman
the dinosaur said,
September 18, 2007 @ 7:18 pm
Rev. As a member of that ancient and noble profession, a bookseller, may I remind you that there is a centuries old tradition of burning inconvenient and troublesome members of the clergy in this country!
We know where you live.
The Reverend said,
September 18, 2007 @ 7:29 pm
Dinosaur
I’m surprised to hear you publicly confess your affiliation to that nefarious profession - although confessing a sin is always to be welcomed !
Remember that age old saying:
It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a bookseller to walk past a charity shop
If you come to your senses and wish me to cleanse your vile stock - I can do so for £150 plus travel expenses and a 1 litre bottle of Glenlivet.
Act now before it’s too late
The Reverend
the dinosaur said,
September 18, 2007 @ 8:15 pm
Rev. I think your plans for my stock of books and anyone else’s has a fatal flaw. All collections of books contain a number of Holy Bibles which if you were responsible for destroying them would surely condemn you to eternal damnation! Just consider spending all eternity in the company of those slugs who like yourself couldn’t resist the beer traps.
Be like myself and devote yourself to charitable giving in order to improve your soul.
The Reverend said,
September 19, 2007 @ 9:09 am
Dinosaur
I don’t burn tomes on mass - I am selective - it’s a specialist job.
I’m not just some fool with a box of matches and a chip on my shoulder !
I know my mortal soul is already damned which is why I must try to save yours.
Remember that famous biblical saying: Deuteronomy 8:3 Matthew 4:4
Man Cannot Live on Book Sales Alone
Witches of Eastwick said,
September 19, 2007 @ 10:33 am
Rev,
Stop brandishing that swan vesta for a moment and consider joining us on Tuesday. You’ll love it, our meeting place is full of sinners and kindling so there’s plenty of scope. On one side there’s a pulpit where RC eats his lunch and preaches … on the other, a bench where the snow white witches sit and hurl rotten fruit if the sermons get too long or are derogatory about women. Needless to say, we get through a lot of fruit…
WoE
The Reverend said,
September 19, 2007 @ 10:50 am
WoE
Stop brandishing that swan vesta for a moment and consider joining us
I’ll consider no such thing and I’ll thank you to stop this unholy attempt to lead me astray - I’ve met sirens like you before !.
Spend time in a bookshop with a witch - I should have to burn myself !
I cannot imagine a greater den of iniquity and vice as a bookshop infested with witches and the miserable heretical wretch that owns this site - it has to be worse than purgatory
Remember that great biblical adage from John 8:7
He that is without sin among you, let him bake the first gougere
Jordan said,
September 19, 2007 @ 11:13 am
WoE
Sounds tempting to me, a fruit hurl at RC when he preaches.
If his site anything to go by, you must have shares in the local green grocers!
Jordan
Witches of Eastwick said,
September 20, 2007 @ 8:57 am
Jordan,
We’d be glad of any help from someone with a good aim … strange how very little of it seems to stick, by now he should be positively fermenting!
WoE