The Goldeneye Winter Plan
Now that the clocks have gone back and the weather has turned the summer lifestyle is all but over.
That being so some drastic action may be required in order to survive the winter months!
I am currently mulling over various possibilities which will alleviate the ennui that winter is for us retired folk.
These are some of the things I have in mind, in no particular order, all are under genuine consideration, if I have missed anything out or you have any other suggestions let me know.
Get a Job
-
Only 1 or 2 days a week and sheer manual labour. A good honest days toil that a man can be proud of, minimum wage is fine.
I like the idea of this one
Start Building More Websites Again
-
These would just be spam sites for affiliates and ads etc, build one a day, churn and burn!
This would be financially rewarding but comes lower down the list due to lack of interest
Get a Full Time Official Girlfriend
-
This is obviously a high risk strategy but one I am taking under very serious consideration.
There are a huge number of pitfalls with this one but it is very near the top of the list. Hot Chicks are invited to apply for the job but please note, as with theme parks, there may be size and age restrictions !
Join a Gym
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Naturally, I am already in fabulous shape but having seen Brad Pitt in Fight Club the other night I am tempted to try for that look. That can only be done with serious gym work, something again near the top of the list
Go Away Somewhere Hot
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This would be something along the lines of 2 weeks abroad, come back for 2 weeks then go again etc. This sounds extravagant but looking at the cost, it is almost as cheap as staying at home. This appeals theoretically but is perhaps less likely than others on the list
Make an Effort to Seriously Sell Books Again
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This would be the easiest thing to do but is less than exciting, would seem like a kop out to pursue this option.
Drink and Smoke Less
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This should be at the top of the list but I suspect it will get relegated
So there we are, the options that rose to the top after much thought, as I said all genuine thoughts and possibilities. The question remains:
I can do any, or indeed all, of the above - but which ones shall it be - it has to be at the least 1 or 2 of them, of that, at least, I am sure!
Little Brother said,
October 29, 2006 @ 8:33 pm
Re Job-I need an assistant to Master Chapman-full training given!
Re Girlfriend- If she’s official does she get a badge?
Re holiday-Singapore in winter is hot, cheap it is not!
Smoking-You got me to stop-get it sorted!
Drinking-It’s in the blood so don’t bother
Gym-fit birds a plenty-when I go its bodycombat for the over 70’s-go in the evening-I would if I could.
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 29, 2006 @ 11:12 pm
Rod,
Job: Who would have you?
Girlfriend: About time, but who would have you? I can see we’ll have to go over the instruction manual again before we launch you into an unsuspecting female public.
Holiday: Have you been drinking? Nothing I can think of is going to be cheap or if it is, it’ll be cold. Nevertheless, travel should be encouraged especially for one who rarely leaves Grimsby.
Smoking/drinking: Cold turkey on the smoking but keep the claret intake reasonable.
Gym: I can see you sitting in the sauna showing some poor woman your etchings ….. steer clear of local gyms who knows what will appear out of the mist! ……………let me see, Tuesday gatherings in the sauna debating world affairs …. it might cramp your style and possibly the normal three hours of discussion, counteract our expensive anti-wrinkle cream.
In short we wish you well with all of your winter hobbies. Our top two would have to be get a girlfriend and stop smoking, a close third, Tuesday gatherings in the sauna when it’s freezing outside ….. do you think they would convert the cellar? WoE
Rod said,
October 30, 2006 @ 8:55 am
LB,
thanks for the job offer, but I don’t like the sound of the boss!
Singapore is too far away anyway, couldn’t stand the flight.
I’ll take your advice about the drinking, thanks !
Rod said,
October 30, 2006 @ 9:03 am
WoE
thanks for
pouring cold water onmentioning some practical obstacles to the plan.To take your points;
Job and girlfriend should be easy enough
Holidays look cheap enough to me, not bothered about blistering heat just not cold and rainy.
I will certainly steer clear of saunas and hot tubs, in fact I am surprised someone of our acquaintance has not already bought a hot tub !
Regards
Rod
Jordan said,
October 30, 2006 @ 10:40 am
All sound a bit too risky, stick to what you know works!!
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 30, 2006 @ 11:37 am
Rod, we admire your positive thinking with regard to job and girlfriend. Lots of men out there could benefit from your tactics …. Psychology of the male mind, how to get what you want … we detect a smash hit book in there somewhere. Psychology of the Female Mind which we suspect you have already and are using as a doorstop, should be studied in detail. Connected to this we have been dwelling on the Woman-points issue previously raised ……. women on the whole are concerned with doing well at work and family life, both scoring highly, looking great and coping with difficult men coming in a close second. We are currently working on a wheelie trolley for your girlfriend of the future, to carry around her massive woman-points collection!
On the job front, now we know you are cheap enough to hire, there’s lots of manual labour required at the Coven. A signpost saying Workmens Graveyard, should not put off a stalwart man such as yourself.
How are the holiday plans coming along? WoE
Rod said,
October 30, 2006 @ 12:01 pm
Jordan
All sound a bit too risky, stick to what you know works!!
I think there is much in what you say but I fancy a change - that said I don’t want a nightmare !
Rod said,
October 30, 2006 @ 12:10 pm
WoE,
I was concerned that seeming keen on manual labour could see me, quite literally, in the Workhouse being worked to death for £10 a day!
I do have that pamphlet, but being so thin the door goes straight over it rendering it useless as a doorstop
Holiday plans may have stalled, I am told that to get warmth I need to go long haul - this would be far too tedious, too much for me
I am not sure whether any future Goldeneye paramour would see an increase in her women points by becoming (loosely) attched to me - possibly a reduction!
That said, I am told by various people that I am something of a catch, this presumably says more about the single men around here than it does me
The Coxeman said,
October 30, 2006 @ 12:13 pm
Get half a dozen, give them all a test run to narrow the field down - that’s what I do. They all bring something different to the party so make an informed choice, don’t get saddled with a dud - there’s plenty of non-starters out there !
Let me know if you need any tips
Keep it Up!
The Coxeman
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 30, 2006 @ 1:28 pm
Rod, it’s comforting to know you have the precised version of this most important of all books, pocket sized, handy for revision. Shame about the manual labour, looks like I’ll just have to rely on the half dozen Amazon volunteers instead.
As to being ’something of a catch’, charm inoculations are advised for the shortlist contenders so that they may see more clearly what they’re taking on.
Alternative holiday plan …… patio heater and a bottle of sangria? Paella cooking on the fire pit …. are we all invited? WoE
Rod said,
October 30, 2006 @ 1:38 pm
WoE
Alternative holiday plan …… patio heater and a bottle of sangria? Paella cooking on the fire pit …. are we all invited? WoE
LB has a fabulous garden, patio, patio heater, summer house and some big pot cooking type furnace thing etc.
So all round to his I think, no need to bring anything he’ll supply food and drink.
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 30, 2006 @ 11:19 pm
Little Brother, he’s organising your social diary now, I wouldn’t put up with it. Perhaps a masked fire pitt ‘do’ would be more appropriate .. I shall be the tall willowy person perched on a broomstick, no one will recognize me. What’ll you be Rod?
Rod said,
October 31, 2006 @ 8:31 am
WoE,
What’ll you be Rod?
I’ll come as Rod Damon, perhaps looking like The Coxeman may improve my chances of pulling at this increasingly lavish party
Regards
Rod
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 31, 2006 @ 11:47 am
Rod, could you bring the Stallion, while mysteriously attracting the attention of every female present, it’s also an excellent firelighter……..I hear Rod Damon is having to model himself on you these days, he’s fallen on hard times. Ursula is flying in so we hear, there’ll be trouble, she’s after LB and his mortar and pestle. Sounds like a packed patio ….. do you think we should mention any of this to LB? WoE
Rod said,
October 31, 2006 @ 11:53 am
WoE,
The Coxeman won’t give me any Stallion, due to the risks my health would face under the female onslaught!
It would help keep the flies off me at the BBQ though.
If the patio gets too packed I know of another huge patio just round the corner from LB. This one is designed for a large number of guests. It has yet to be christened so could handle the overflow.
LB needs little or no notice when it comes to top end mass catering at the drop of a hat.
Regards
Rod
Little Brother said,
October 31, 2006 @ 5:22 pm
WoE,
You and Ursula are welcome anytime, I’ll hide the garlic. Should the weather turn inclement then we shall retire to my fireplace for some hot nuts and Barry White. Redeye can get slaughtered on his appellation paint stripper in the summerhouse, I must remember to put the heater in there (after he’s gone) At midnight I have ordered Double King Size Whopper Belly Busting Bacon Sandwiches from Mr.Chapman of Lincoln’s Tuck Shop.
I know what you lovely ladies like!!
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 31, 2006 @ 6:21 pm
Little Brother,
We hardly know what to say, at last a man who knows how to treat a lady. Should warn you that Ursula will expect BBQ truffles of the finest quality, but the DKSWBBBS sound like a midnight snackers dream …… not to mention the fact that Barry White will be there too …. will we have enough hot nuts to go round? WoE
Little Brother said,
October 31, 2006 @ 11:41 pm
WoE,
Didn’t realise B&Q sold truffles, will stock up for your visit. Don’t worry about the nuts, I’ll make sure they last. Tell Ursula the pestle and mortar has been cleaned and polished and is ready for some grinding!
Witches of Eastwick said,
November 1, 2006 @ 12:46 pm
LB, as soon as we’ve managed to get Ursula out of her straitjacket she’ll be on her way. As you may recall, on that chariot of hers, there’s more than a passing resemblance to Boudica ……. not a woman to be sherry trifled with, if you know what we mean. Her exploits at sea are legendary …. on land she’s much more sedate and tends to get her aggression out kick boxing garage mechanics. WoE