don’t touch the choccies, frankly they’re not up to scratch and probably drugged.

Cast iron pj’s, essential.

Womankind is watching, don’t let us down and give in to this Coxeman bloke or he’ll never learn how to poach his Cottswald Legbars.
WoE

I take it you wear the trousers in this relationship

Man and woman on the first night of their honeymoon

Man takes his tousers off and says to his new wife “put these on”
She puts them on
The man says “that’s the last time you wear trousers in this marriage”

Woman takes off her knickers and says “here put these on”
He puts them on (you’re ahead of me here I hope)
The woman says “that’s the last time you get into them in this marriage”

The old ones are supposed to be the best, in retrospect I remain unconvinced

do not encourage this woman, she is headstrong enough.
I could tame her of course but to what end ? - the top brass have enforced a hands off policy, so why bother.

I mentioned she may be a lesbian and from her comments about my aftershave I feel she has proven this to be true.

PS: I also cure lesbians as well as bra-burners
Keep it Up!
The Coxeman

I take it you wear the trousers in this relationship, I certainly hope so. Steer yourself more towards the calmer ‘book’ buying types whose sophisticated conversation might be an altogether better bet. Yes, all men tend to get in the way generally but some are tolerable and have their uses, limited we know. Leave the ‘Gods Gift to Women’ type to me ….. speaking of which here comes my latest pass time … pity about the false hairy chest and Elvis outfit, kitsch I suppose you’d call him! Regards, Urs

I think Rod Damon is the most annoying, male chauvenist pig I have ever met.
He presumes every woman wants to jump into bed with him and I can assure both him and your readers that it will be a cold day in hell before I do !

Is her rack real?

Yes it is !

I am far keener than him to see an end to our forced cohabitation and, for the record, I think I am a nice girl.
You would not believe what I am having to put up with living with Gods Gift to Women

PS
That bloody Stallion aftershave reeks !

There were no kippers and poached eggs this morning!
I asked the female why this was and got the reply
There are some cornflakes in the cupboard

Quite what they are I’ve no idea

There’s no point sending that nancy boy Rod Collins to St Tropez, he’s a waste of time!
But you’ve whetted my appetite Urs, so I may take some much needed horizontal R&R there when my sentence with Geraldine comes to an end - here’s to an early parole
Keep it Up
The Coxeman

I doubt very much that Geraldine is interested in married life either and will never reach the heady heights of domestic goddess. With that in mind I have set about looking for your type of woman here in the glorious Riviera ….. so far no luck, they all love fish fingers. Mind you, there are an abundance of candidates for the shy and retiring Mr Collins who will shortly be inundated with proposals. Yes the mono bikini clad tribe out here are all agog at the very thought of our wealthy, Brad Pitt look alike, yacht owning bachelor …. I may have embellished a bit!

Is Geraldine the possessive type? It’s just that my gyros are out of sync and I need a handy man.

p.s. easy on the Stallion, it excites the crew. Urs