The Coxeman Prepares for Christmas
Legendary ‘counter spy’ and womanizer, Rod Damon aka The Coxeman, is back in the country in time for the festive season. I hand you over to him for his guest article.
Morning all !
Firstly, can I apologize for my recent lack of input. Things have been more than a little busy at present. Naturally, I can say very little other than I have been covertly going in and out of Russia like a fiddler’s elbow and I’ve been tested for radiation more times than I’ve been tested for the clap!
Happily, even the international espionage community shuts down for the festive season, we can all relax, nothing untoward should happen, it would be very bad form to try anything at this time of year.
So I find myself happily ensconced in my bachelor pad in W1 London, a glass of malt whisky in one hand and a fine Havana in the other. My thoughts turn to christmas and the unavoidable task of present buying.
Having no wife or immediate family lessens the burden somewhat but there are my domestic staff and girlfriends to consider.
I have arranged for something called an automatic washing machine to be delivered for my housekeeper. She complains that the twin tub in the laundry room is old-fashioned and unnecessarily hard on her arthritic joints.
Typical moaning woman!
I shall get my valet a case of fine scotch whisky, this might keep the lugubrious old b*$!%^d out of my drinks cabinet whilst I’m away, well for a week or two anyway.
Now for the girls in my life, not all of them of course, just the regulars.
Only one thing to buy, men take note, lingerie and associated items.
Women like nothing more than hot lingerie for xmas, take my word for it.
Black or red being the ideal colours, obviously skimpy and lacy, they love it!
I take the strain out of this by getting a personal shopper at La Perla to take care of things for me. I get each girl to write down her name and sizes on a card and just hand these over to the PS, she then selects the stuff, based on my general instructions, wraps it and labels it, simplicity itself.
This takes care of my obligations on the female front. If you are unfortunate enough to be married to, or living with, a woman you may need to push the boat out a little further.
Women can get a little liverish at this time of year - you have been warned !
Let me know if you need any other tips or advice
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman
A Retired Bookdealer said,
December 14, 2006 @ 11:29 am
Dear Sir ,
Not a lot of problem here on the women front ,
especially at my age as they are very grateful for whatever they get or receive.
Easily pleased !
Regarding the Valet ……..
I shall get my valet a case of fine scotch whisky, this might keep the lugubrious old b*$!%^d out of my drinks cabinet
Try topping the bottle up when you return home from the Pub !
The Coxeman said,
December 14, 2006 @ 12:12 pm
Dear Retired Bookdealer,
I am pleased to hear you have the women in your life under control and properly trained.
Spoiling them is one of the most common mistakes many men make - it can also be all but impossible to correct at a later date.
As to my valet, I allow him a certain amount of leeway, despite the healthy disdain towards me which he barely even attempts to mask!
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman
Jordan said,
December 14, 2006 @ 1:12 pm
Coxeman.
Re: I am pleased to hear you have the women in your life under control and properly trained.
Spoiling them is one of the most common mistakes many men make - it can also be all but impossible to correct at a later date.
I would never have guessed that you were a single man!
Jordan
The Coxeman said,
December 14, 2006 @ 1:25 pm
Jordan
I revel in being a delightfully unreconstructed male.
No moisturizer or chest waxing here, I’m a man’s man and the women love it !
Wimmin’ are now surrounded by these weak and emotional metro-sexual men and I think now so many have what they thought they wanted they’ve realised what a mistake it is.
There is a revolution brewing - women want real men back !
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman
Rod said,
December 14, 2006 @ 1:35 pm
Mr Damon
there are a lot of men out there who would be only too happy to buy the lady in their life some delectable lingerie, however many men find it very distressing.
It can be embarrassing for some and just plain hard for others
I know you now use personal shoppers but you must have purchased many items in the past yourself - any tips for our audience
Regards
Rod ( Collins )
Ursula said,
December 14, 2006 @ 1:39 pm
Bonjour landlubbers
Thought I should drop a line of thanks to old Coxy for the little lacy thing that arrived this morning. Not sure what it is exactly but am using it as an upmarket catapult and jolly good it is, managed to stun a swordfish on the port side while hanging trapeze style from the crows mast.
So a definite improvement on those second-rate choccies. Keep it up!
Urs
p.s. note to OMITK: Am cooking a whole tuna for Christmas day, what gas mark will it need, also to stuff or not to stuff and with what?
The Coxeman said,
December 14, 2006 @ 1:48 pm
Rod - site owner and Nancy-Boy !
I presume you ask this for the benefit of others? I cannot imagine you buying lingerie, lest it was to wear yourself of course !
Anyway, back to the point.
It’s all very simple and boils down to one thing - manly confidence.
Walk in there tall and erect, assert your manliness.
Once you have the confidence to peruse the stock you are half way there.
Now it is just selction and sizing. A good tip is to go to a shop with young hotties working there (avoid the ones with some old crone who has been measuring women for bras for 35 years now)
The young foxes will be happy to hold things up against themselves for you, and in my experience anyway, fondle them in an attempt to get a comparative size should you not know your women’s actual measurements.
Buying good lingerie is not the work of a sissy and can earn valuable man points
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman
PS buying anything comfortable or sensible loses Man Points
The Coxeman said,
December 14, 2006 @ 1:54 pm
Ursula
pleased it arrived safely, I had to have yours specially flown over as you’re out of Blighty.
I had hoped you would put it carefully away in a drawer to wear when next I come to St Tropez.
Take care on the trapeze - swing free I always do !
Swing it Baby !
The Coxeman
Our Man in the Kitchen said,
December 14, 2006 @ 4:43 pm
Ursula,
If the tuna is sashimi grade then I’ll swap you for a french sausage and a tin of goose fat. If it’s blue fin then gas mark 2 or ten degrees for six months as recommended by Heston Blumenthal whose recipes are so practical for the average household.
Ursula said,
December 15, 2006 @ 10:33 pm
OMITK, Mon Cher,
Just to keep you up to date on tuna events, I popped a lemon in its jaws but that just looked sad having wedged itself inbetween the front teeth. So we have altered the recipe and replaced the lemon with two large melons and a small ostrich. What do you reckon? Anyway by your calculations we should be ready to tuck in around mid July. I’ve ordered a container load of chips from the St Trop french friery and a sack of Maldon salt. Now all that remains is your wine recommendation.
Merci, Urs
Our Man in the Kitchen said,
December 16, 2006 @ 2:51 pm
Ursula,
Who wants tuna when there’s two large melons on offer! I can think of a few things that go with those!
For Rod’s curiosity I would suggest a vin doux naturel-perfect with ripe melons, as for tuna, well who cares?
Bon nuit!
Mark said,
December 20, 2006 @ 12:12 pm
Hi Coxeman,
It appears to me that your brain has been damaged a bit. Maybe by being unable to cope with flows of testosterone. You have to learn to respect women. Judging from your photos you’re not deadly handsome and that may be the reason why you’re so afraid of them. Hiding that fear behind whiskey and cigars in not a good idea. You will either become a drunk junkie or get cancer.
Regards,
Mark
The Coxeman said,
December 20, 2006 @ 1:37 pm
Mark
you are correct in assuming there are copious amounts of testtosterone flowing through my veins.
you’re not deadly handsome
I think perhaps you may have confused me with the site owner, for reasons of my undercover work, photographs of me do not apppear anywhere.
I am, in fact, devilishly handsome !
Regards
The Coxeman