Man Points What Are They and How to Get Them
A guest post on Man Points by the international counterspy and legendary philanderer Rod Damon.
Morning All,
I have been asked by the site owner to give you all some idea of what man points are.
Obviously any real men out there know already but for the women and nancy-boys here is the quick and dirty version.
I’ll start by reproducing the definition from The Urban Dictionary
Man Points
Points that one receives upon the completion of a distinctly manly task. More often than not, intelligent points and man points are inversely proportional.Points are received for doing stereotypical macho actions like starting a fight with a professional boxer
I cannot overstate the importance of men being men - many of us have been emasculated over the years, turned into New Men, House Husbands and God knows how many other horrors.
I have been accused of being a dinosaur for trying to stand against the growing swell of anti-manliness.
I would strongly urge all men to rise up and regain control of the world before it’s too late - before you know it you’ll be cooking, cleaning, using moisturizer and having female friends!
Here are a few brief suggestions that will both gain and lose those all important man points, each + point being countered with the converse that leads to a negative.
Things that earn Man Points
-
Sleeping with younger girls
Drinking and smoking excessively
Showing no emotion - whatever the situation
Proving you are bigger and better than other men
Being well hung and having chest hair
Having a big car
Having a powerful motorcycle
Being able to lift heavy objects
Fighting - stand your ground
Things that lose Man Points
-
Remembering girls names afterwards
Throwing up - you must be able to hold your liquor
Telling women how you feel inside or worst of all crying (huge offence)
Appearing to look weak or inferior
Lacking in the trouser department and shaving your chest
Having a people carrier or compact
Riding a bicycle
Not being able to get the lid off something
Running away - cowardice
There are many more and I may post some of them as comments later. Now you get the idea of what real men need to do to improve their manliness rating.
All you pussy whipped men out there take note and wise up !
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman
Scroll down and check the comments for more pearls of wisedom
Rod said,
October 23, 2006 @ 12:55 pm
Thank you Mr Damon,
this seems like a good springboard for suggestions as to what does and does not make a man.
I suspect there may be one or two opinions that differ somewhat from yours.
All suggestions and comments invited from men and women - what do you think?
The Coxeman said,
October 23, 2006 @ 2:39 pm
Now would be a good time to mention the sliding scale of Man Points.
Points are awarded for manlike actions but obviously some are more manly than others - naturally then the number of points awarded rises exponentially with the deed or situation.
There are certain things all men should do, such as provide for your family without help (should you have one), own your own house and car etc. As these are basic prerequisites they attract only a small number of points. Therefore anyone looking to score impressively needs to get into the higher point paying manly stuff.
I have had an email forwarded to me from someone who says he now feels inadequate having read this and having described himself I can see why!
But fear not, you don’t need to be a young 6ft 7in lumberjack with equestrian sized attributes to be a man’s man, I for example, am 6/2 and have never chopped a tree down.
Granted, anyone under 6 foot tall starts with a huge deficiency in points, everybody knows this, but these can be made up in other, often surprising, ways.
Think of Stephen Hawking - huge score!
Keep it Up!
The Coxeman
Ollie said,
October 23, 2006 @ 5:38 pm
i did the pamplona bull run - how many points do i get for that ?
Rod said,
October 23, 2006 @ 6:44 pm
Ollie
i did the pamplona bull run - how many points do i get for that ?
A shitload - nice one!
Rod said,
October 23, 2006 @ 6:58 pm
Some notable examples
Tommy Lee
Drummer with rock band Motley Crue, married to the 2 hottest chicks ever, Heather Locklear and Pamela Anderson.
Already enough for monumental Man Points. Add to that, Heather caught him in a hotel bed with two stunning strippers. Fellow band members (pun intended) call him T-Bone, watch the Tommy & Pammy video clips on the net to see why.
Total number of MPs = Incalculable just stratospheric
Woody Allen
Writer, film producer and all round drip.
Could not be further from a real man. He could pull it out of the bag if his films were good, as it is they are boring and crap, whatever a few pseudo-intellectuals would try to have us believe
Total Number of MPs - huge negative score
Sir Ranulph Fiennes
Adventurer and classic Englishman.
Former member of the SAS, one of the highest scoring things you can get.
Explorer and leader of the Transglobe expedition. An unbelievable man !
Even cut his own frost bitten toes off with a saw in his garden shed rather than bother going to the doctors (he gets more MPs for that alone than Hugh Grant gets for nailing Liz Hurley.
This demonstrates age etc is not always an issue
Total number of MPs = infinite - in the Uber Man class
Any more for any more winners or losers
Rod
Little Brother said,
October 24, 2006 @ 2:57 pm
74 million points to Steve Wynne for elbowing his Picasso!
Little Brother said,
October 24, 2006 @ 3:02 pm
Rod,
Apparently mobile phones are damaging a man’s ability to father a child-no more landline calls for us then!
A Woman of No Particular Importance said,
October 24, 2006 @ 3:43 pm
FAO: All men with huge man-point tallies and all interested women
Most interesting women are interested in men who fall into the high scoring man-points category, we all know that. The reason is of course, that most men out there are very dull and there isn’t much inbetween, so the cycle continues. As women, we have to abandon men like Rod Damon and employ a male trainer instead so that our men know how to be behave. This would be money well spent. There is no excuse for all you men out there who are not getting your fair share of female adoration. You may be confused as to how to go about this so you need some instruction. Of course charisma cannot be taught so I am assuming that you already have an element of that. This is not rocket science, as they say. Once the male has received instruction he will be ready to take on a life of adoration and reap the benefits that naturally follow. If, after intensive training, he doesn’t show any sign of improvement, get rid of him. Women it’s up to you to spot potential. Men it’s up to you to become attentive. The finale, remain faithful. Simple isn’t it?
By the way, Tommy Lee and Sir Ranulph Fiennes, should not be mentioned in the same category, women will see Tommy Lee and others like him, as cheap trash. Mr Collins, by including his exploits you show your true colours. No good will ever come of it I tell you. Pedestals should only be occupied by the deserving. On that note I shall tell you that I have a pedestal in my garden for you Mr Collins, tis a precarious position so try not to wobble (zero man-points), my coconuts are getting closer and closer
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 24, 2006 @ 5:08 pm
Rod, I actually overheard a conversation recently between two women who both agreed that it was a shame they weren’t attracted to other females because there are so many fabulous women out there and hardly any men that were worth the effort …… that’s terrible. Single men everywhere should be ashamed. As to Tommy Lee, his man points should be cut off.
Nb. I once witnessed a man I know very well, jump into shark infested waters to attempt to save the life of another man …. hail mortal, you know who you are and you are a king among men.
ps. on a lighter note, may I say your feathers looked splendid today and your sparkling conversation as good as any Bollinger, cheers, WoE
Rod said,
October 24, 2006 @ 5:23 pm
Little Brother
I have been listening to the speaking clock for two hours on my cell as I too saw the news
Here’s to infertility, those are MPs worth losing
Rod said,
October 24, 2006 @ 5:28 pm
AWONPI
Once the male has received instruction he will be ready to take on a life of adoration and reap the benefits that naturally follow
It could be worth starting another thread discussing Women Points. Naturally these exist in the cloistered female world and should perhaps be discuused in the same way as Man Points!
By the way, Tommy Lee and Sir Ranulph Fiennes, should not be mentioned in the same category
This was not done to be comparative but to show diversity and that there is more than one way to skin a cat
Rod said,
October 24, 2006 @ 5:36 pm
WoE
If that’s true why have you all failed to find me one whilst gathered around your cauldron - hubble, bubble, toil and trouble !
Please do not tell me it’s who I think it is and that I have met him?
I cannot even begin to estimate the number of man points that would earn - it puts him easily in the Uber League, somewhere normal men will never see, myself included.
Thanks for a great day, coversation and opinions alluded to but not broadcast here.
Cheers
Rod
Lincoln Imp said,
October 24, 2006 @ 11:27 pm
Rod,
Now that we have been blessed with this insight into the female mind we can boldly step out into the world of single women and ‘reap the benefits that naturally follow’- a big arse in jogging bottoms, sans make-up, hair tied back, eating pizza and garlic bread with sex out of the question because X-Factor, Eastenders and 999 Emergency are on.
I shall now return to my state of blissful ignorance
Impey
Rod said,
October 25, 2006 @ 9:13 am
Impey,
you sum the real world up perfectly, think how many people are trapped in that living hell !
To be fair to women, think also how many of them are stuck with the male equivalent.
All the men and women who actually do have something about them and are going/got somewhere cannot get married or live together for fear of getting financially shafted.
Thanks for commenting
Regards
Rod
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 25, 2006 @ 10:21 am
Dear Impey
As Amonpi rightly says, education is vital, so with this in mind ….. do not assume you can boldly go anywhere without the necessary instruction ….. we don’t want any students to fail. Our new school for the lack-lustre male, will soon be open …. a sort of OU which will be especially useful for all those hard working men out there who haven’t previously found the time to study.
Head Teacher: Mr R Collins (private tuition negotiable)
Dinner Ladies/Course Tutors: The Witches of Eastwick
To give a balanced overview we will be looking towards the likes of Jordan and PPK, last and certainly least, Mr Damon. WoE
The Coxeman said,
August 15, 2010 @ 9:47 am
HH Man Points,
I cannot, for security reasons (i.e. nosey chicks reading this) publish a comprehensive list of everything that gains and loses valuable Man Points.
The pointers above give you a taster and at this point I have to be blunt as you feel clearly let down by your loss of MPs for speaking French on the site and not knowing it would happen.
Ignorance is no excuse in the eyes of MPs - ask yourself this HH
French is a language spoken only by fashion designers, poncey chefs, cowards, collaborators and , most damnably of all, The French.
Do you imagine you’d gain points for going down this path ?
Now, if you typed something in Olde English, Saxon, Latin or Polish perhaps you’d have been OK - all men, unless they want to be Losers and Nancy-Boys, must get to grips with MPs and the accumulation thereof .
Never underestimate the power of three things:
Man Points
Attractive Women
The Mighty Sabaton
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman
Chris Keyworth said,
August 15, 2010 @ 10:09 am
i have to confess i think i may have lost all my points last night i did somthing rather sad infact i could even be shamefull, i went to humberston in search of fit birds on the holiday camp, hows that for sad then …..
regards
chris
The Coxeman said,
August 15, 2010 @ 10:37 am
Mr Keyworth,
au contrere mon frere. . . who said that ?Not at all my good man, let me explain why:
Firstly, I would draw yours, and others attention, to This Comment this means you need not worry about getting a few or losing a few MPs - it’s a bit like Roman Abramovich losing or finding a fiver - yes it’s still a fiver and most people would be glad of it but what difference does it make to an Oligarch ?
Secondly I would draw your attention to the sagacious advice I gave to one young man from Cleethorpes near Humberston on my problem page.
He was asking for advice on how to become a legend in the bedroom like me Rod Damon - a portion of my advice
You are uncommonly lucky in as much as the girls in Cleethorpes are notoriously easy,
so there should be plenty of opportunity for you to practice.
Maybe one day you too can be a legendary swordsman
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman
amiducour said,
February 4, 2012 @ 5:52 pm
Doing the Pamplona bull run - minus 2 points - only a pussy runs away from a bull.
Being gored and tossed into the air by bull - 5 points
Landing on a cute chick and pulling her while bleeding to death - another 5 points, 4 if you don’t actually die ( can’t have been that bad after all.)
Recovering and having carnal knowledge of said cute chick - 2 points, with an additional point if still bleeding.
Going back and kicking the living shit out of said bull - 10 points.
Rod said,
February 4, 2012 @ 7:33 pm
Ami,
hard to argue with that - take 15 Man Points for perspicacity
Best
Rod