The Art of Successful Cross Dressing
Regular visitors will know that your host has been looking for something to become for a while now.
Together, we have tried being Lincolnshire’s Greatest Magician, Grimsby’s Best Doctor even Master Under God - A Ship’s Captain amongst many other things. You’ll all be pleased to hear that I have, at last, settled upon something …
I’m going to be a transvestite !
I shall give my shocked readers a little time to recover and gather their thoughts before continuing …………..
All settled now, off we go then. Obviously, cross-dressing is not something lightly entered into but needs must as needs be and Saturday saw Goldeneye doing what he often does, a spot of shopping.
Some of you will be aware of the crisis in the trouser department brought about by having a 30 inch waist or as it is now a 29″ waist all brought about by following the Daniel Craig Workout.
Well, TK Maxx have been good enough to save the day over the last few months and I have at least 10 pairs of Diesel jeans of various designs but I want some black bootcut trousers - what chance do I stand ?
30″ waist with medium/30″ leg is the best any shop in Grimsby can do - I need 29″ and 34″ leg.
-
Problem: Cannot buy in men’s shops !
Answer: Go to women’s shops !
Women have long legs and narrow waists, well some do 
, so this saw me enter Republic I immediately spotted some slim fit black bootcut jeans. I put one well-turned ankle in front of another and approached the rail. Looking through them caused a well meaning, and hot, young lady to come up and offer me help in what she must have presumed was me buying a present for a hot-chick ! Here follows the exchange.
-
Hot Young Lady: Do you need any help [flashing lovely smile]
Goldeneye: Er … yes please
Hot Young Lady: What size are you looking for ?
Goldeneye: I don’t know, they’re for me you see !
Hot Young Lady: Er… Oh … I See … [lovely smile turns into mischievous grin]
A brief discussion about waist sizes etc ensued which culminated in me going off to the changing rooms to try a pair on.
-
Goldeneye: I’ll try these I think
Hot Young Lady: They’re size 12 do you think they’ll fit ?
They did indeed fit but were slightly short in the leg, not drastically so and near enough for me to consider buying them. I resisted, thinking it would annoy me later. So out I came and another lady came to assist/amuse herself :
-
Hot Young Lady: Did they fit ?
Goldeneye: Of course, bit short in the leg though !
Some more general chatter then …
-
2nd Lady: I’ve found these with a 34″ leg but they’re size 10 though !
Goldeneye: Let’s give ‘em a go - the 12s were slack around the waist anyway
Changing room - stripped - tried on - fit like a glove - Awesome !
Reverse the above process and off with 2nd lady to the till.
On cashier auto-pilot she said upon accepting the moolah
-
2nd Lady: Would you like anything else to go with them ?
Goldeneye: No I’d better stop there I think, though when the hot weather finally arrives I may be back for a nice summery frock !
Size 10 Baby - Super Awesome !
There was only one disappointment, the shop was called Republic it is/was where the lovely Jade Dundridge, aka Miss Grimsby, works/worked, if only she had been the young lady !
That would have been the ultimate blog post !
Miss Grimsby Helps Goldeneye Become a Transvestite
It could only happen to me
Witches of Eastwick said,
July 8, 2007 @ 10:05 pm
Rod,
Have you allowed for shrinkage?
We look forward to the frock and transglobal boot trend ….. in fact deep in the Coven vintage drawers hides a pair of size 10 leopard print pedal pushers that you could borrow. We will have to insist you curb some of your activities whilst wearing them, although they will make perfect camouflage for your daily safari walks in the Wybers Wood game reserve
WoE
Femme Fatale said,
July 8, 2007 @ 10:36 pm
WoE
Great idea, now that i am a size 8, I will trawl through my wardrobes for my size 10 dresses, so that MS COLLINS (aka Rod) can try them on for his new venture in Transvesticism
I wonder how long this fetish will last?
FF
xx
Witches of Eastwick said,
July 9, 2007 @ 8:06 am
FF,
You can see it now can’t you …. all the shop assistants running about, making a fuss of him! On second thoughts though, it’s not the gender that bothers us as much as the amount of jeans this man (?) needs.
Your kind gesture will only upset him now that you’re an 8 …. and by the way that’s v small, are you eating enough gougere? Next time we see him we intend to casually inspect his face for signs of aging and cheap foundation
WoE
Rod said,
July 9, 2007 @ 8:54 am
WoE,
I’m not the kind of guy who makes allowances for shrinkage
I’ll pass on the leopard prints as it could be dangeroususing them, as you suggest, on the Wybers Wood Game Reserve - what if I come across the
Grimsby Growler ?
It may take a liking to me
As to make up, rest assured, if I start wearing of that, it’ll only be the best
Rod said,
July 9, 2007 @ 8:59 am
FF,
thanks for the offer, something short, black and ruched should do the trick.
I wonder how long this fetish will last?
Depends on the late summer/Autumn collections really
Must dash - I’m getting my legs waxed at 9am
Jordan said,
July 9, 2007 @ 10:26 am
Hi
Oh dear, oh my!! WOE you need to feed this man, ladies size 10 for a man is not good, not healthy, not sexy! What woman wants to be in larger jeans than her man. It’s all WRONG!!
RC, i think you need counselling! And some good hearty meals.
A man should be a mans size and hairy!
It’s not good!! Amend asap!!!!!!!!
Jordan (who like men to be men!!)
Femme Fatale said,
July 9, 2007 @ 11:19 am
Rod,
I really think you need a week or so away with The Coxeman, I am getting really worried about your FEMININE side, I am sure he will be able to bring back the MAN in you before its too late!!!!!!!!
FF
xx
Rod said,
July 9, 2007 @ 11:21 am
Jordan,
What woman wants to be in larger jeans than her man. It’s all WRONG!
Absolutely, couldn’t agree more, with modern sizing the lady should be in Size 8s
not healthy
I checked all my statistics etc the other day on some proper sites Jordan.
Height to weight ratio is the same as a professional athelete !
not sexy!
Waist size and height etc is exactly the same as those called for in a professional male model - I kid you not !
Also if it’s good enough for 2006s Most Stylish Man …
Best
RC
The Coxeman said,
July 9, 2007 @ 11:26 am
FF,
Damn Straight Girl !
Look, I don’t want to bang on about being right all the time but …
I told you all ages ago he was a nancy-boy, now perhaps you’ll believe me.
FF, if I take him away to try and rehabilitate him it won’t be a case of separate rooms but separate hotels !
1st stop Saville Row and to my tailors for a nice tweed three piece weekend country suit !
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman - Always Right - Don’t Doubt Me Again !
Femme Fatale said,
July 9, 2007 @ 11:33 am
TC
Thank goodness there are some REAL men out there, you need to act fast.
)
we will all have a whipround for RC’s train fare to London before he starts wearing womens underwear (if he has not tried that already
I will never doubt you again!!!!
FF
XX
The Coxeman said,
July 9, 2007 @ 11:55 am
Horses and Stable Doors spring to mind.
If he is not already wearing women’s underwear, and I would imagine he is, then surely he will have to do so ? A thong presumably ?
He won’t want to be seen suffering from VPL in his new trousers will he ?
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman
Femme Fatale said,
July 9, 2007 @ 12:11 pm
TC,
It makes me go cold just thinking about it
YUKKKKKKKKKKKK
FF
xx
Witches of Eastwick said,
July 9, 2007 @ 1:45 pm
Jordan,
We’re with you on this issue. Subsequently since Rod’s waist diminished to it’s current 29inch, we have found ourselves eyeing up the male population (something we would normally never do!) and todate have yet to find anyone else with this statistic. Just how common is this for a man of a certain age? What’s more, on Tuesdays at least he eats copious quantities of calorie laden goodies not that anyone would know by the look of him.
Do you think it could be worms? We’ll slip a little remedy into the gougere next time just in case
WoE
Witches of Eastwick said,
July 9, 2007 @ 1:56 pm
Rod,
Forgive us for forgetting but who was the 2006 most stylish man …. wasn’t DC was it? There’s no way his waist is 29, we should know we’ve taken careful measurements from our cardboard cut out!
WoE
Jordan said,
July 9, 2007 @ 3:25 pm
WOE
Maybe he should eat with you more often.
You seem to agree with me that a man should have a man size waist and DC certainly wouldn’t be seen is ladies jeans size 29.
James Bond himself” was a size 32.
Tut tut RC.
Rod said,
July 9, 2007 @ 4:22 pm
WoE
just because most of these other guys are fat doesn’t mean I have to let myself go.
Russell Brand was voted most stylish man - wouldn’t be my choice but was notable, if not very original - Lord Byron did it better !
You’ll struggle finding someone the same as me
Re DC when he appeared in Tomb Raider he was a 28″ !
Very slim, see below
Witches of Eastwick said,
July 9, 2007 @ 6:09 pm
Rod,
Don’t tell me you believe everything you read! Whilst the delectable DC looks slender, is that really a 28inch waist? Anyway all these male models you are referring to are half your age, remember you are old and past it now so don’t worry too much about detail, just keep your midriff toned and women will adore you all the more.
….. and while we are dwelling on the above image, we were a little surprised that you didn’t think of superimposing your own head onto his body and presenting it as the much requested ’shower’ shot
WoE
Rod said,
July 9, 2007 @ 6:47 pm
WoE
as I said that is a standard size for someone who is a model or athlete.
Don’t forget also when talking about sizes they are clothes sizes and we know what that means
On another note, a waist size of 34-36 inches doubles the risk of diabetes in men !
What do you mean I’m old and past it ?
Properly considered I’m in my prime
All joking aside, I cannot recall a time in my life when I’ve been fitter or felt healthier
RC aka Slim Jim
Little Brother said,
July 9, 2007 @ 7:43 pm
Rod,
Clothes sizes don’t make sense, those Levi’s you gave me fit perfectly yet another pair of trousers size 32 are far too baggy and need a belt but there is no way I am a size 30! Saying that, now that I have been banned from lifting weights by the blonde assasin known as Lana the Sports Therapist for a while I might not need the belt in a week or two!
LB
Rod said,
July 10, 2007 @ 8:42 am
LB,
clothes sizes make sense when you realise they are not there to help men and women find their required size but to flatter their vanity !
Look at the label on a pair of trousers bought in the high street nowadays then put a tape measure to them - very different.
It’s the same for women, I remember when looking for clothes as presents it was easy. I knew the size (a perfect 10 incidently) and everything was guaranteed to fit. Catwalk models were a size 10.
The clothes on the rails started at 10 and went upwards.
Now they start at 6 and 8.
The high street chains finally admitted sometime ago that sizes for women’s clothing had been manipulated.
Their answer was:
“because women are getting bigger on average”
This is statistically true but surely all they need to do is stock more 14s and less 10s ?
It’s simply done to flatter vanity and increase sales because the size 12 can fit into a 10.
I could run to about concave mirrors in changing rooms but I’ll stop now
Best
Rod
PS I may report back on the outcome of a day in said trousers, all the ups and downs etc
Witches of Eastwick said,
July 10, 2007 @ 4:23 pm
Well folks, it’s a difficult call. On the one hand Rod looked cool in his black and white gear, a classic combination and very polished, especially his shoes (attention to detail, maxy points) ….. on the other hand and on closer inspection (the Witches are very short and near sighted) the black jeans looked slick but the stitching might have given the game away.
As for the face, well we didn’t see that much of it due to his shades and so are not in a position to say whether to start treating him to eye bag removal serum or not. So an all round picture of health we’re sorry to say, although he must be slapping on the collagen to maintain his boyish look ….. next week we shall see if his forehead moves at all just to rule out botox!
Evidently we need the male verdict so it’s over to you LB …. let us know if you think the jeans look manly enough, paying particular attention to the rear pocket stitching, the use of a Hermes scarf as a belt and his collection of phone charms dangling thereabouts.
WoE
Rod said,
July 10, 2007 @ 6:11 pm
WoE
thanks for the insight, and shortbread, always appreciated.
Well here’s my verdict.
Pros
Very comfortable indeed, plenty of spare room in the waist - yes really!
I liked the look of them
Cons
Pockets - no wonder girls have handbags. Rear pocket too small for wallet. Front pockets too small for cellphone
That’s it really, other than storage for extraneous junk a great success, both in a sartorial sense, comfort and practicality.
jade dundridge said,
July 26, 2007 @ 9:02 pm
shame i wasnt in tht day!!!! lol
Rod said,
July 27, 2007 @ 8:16 am
Hi Jade
I too wish you’d been there how perfect it would have been:)
Nice to hear from you again and trust all is going well with your Miss Grimsby ‘duties’
Your page gets a lot of visitors still
Best Wishes
Rod
jade dundridge said,
July 27, 2007 @ 11:01 am
am afraid i was on holiday tht weekend!!! it was the weekend after miss england….but am glad the other staff were very helpful!!!
ooo thts good i will have to pop by and leave a comment or two.
yes thing are great at the moment…busy busy…i was sppsed to be doing the cleethorpes carnival but the never got back to me…how rude…lol
hope alls well
jade
"hot young lady" said,
July 27, 2007 @ 5:39 pm
Hello, im glad I could be of some assistance on that day! I was the young lady that helped you find your black trousers.. =)
Rod said,
July 27, 2007 @ 5:43 pm
HYL
thanks for the help and the comment, greatly appreciated on both counts.
I have a feeling I shall be back !
I’m convinced it’s the only way to go after spending today in Lincoln and finding nothing in the men’s shops
See you soon
and thanks again
Rod
Rod said,
July 27, 2007 @ 5:48 pm
Jade,
pleased to hear all is going well - I think missing the parade was perhaps for the best - I once saw an unpleasant outing for one of your predecessors and several kids with super-soakers !
Stick within the confines of GY Jade - all manner of things can go wrong when crossing the border into Cleethorpes
Continued good luck and hope to see you when the autumn fashions are in Republic
Rod