Stay Together then Live Apart
There is a real trend emerging amongst couples in long term relationships.
They are choosing to live apart but stay together !
Theses couples are now known as LATs (live apart together) and apparently, there has been a huge surge in numbers. Once primarily the domain of younger people, this is spreading considerably amongst the ages 39 to 59.
Such has been the rise it is now estimated that there as many couples in this age group who are committed but live in their own houses as there are those who choose to live together.
The research suggests reasons such as independence, wanting to keep children were they are and avoiding the problems of integrating families etc and half a dozen other garbage reasons.
No mention by anybody of potential legal problems and the financial penalties involved in a split.
I suspect this is probably the biggest reason why many people are reluctant to cohabit or indeed marry.
With this trend continuing to rise fast what are the social implications ?
Surely, even greater pressure on the housing market. Two houses being used instead of one.
What about growing older, traditionally couples who reached old age would support and help each other … can’t do that living on your own
What’s the Goldeneye verdict ?
Most of the reasoning and psychology cited is bull$*@t !
Most of it comes down to, or is related to, money.
People are scared of losing what they’ve got.
Also, look at those who can do it. Most couples struggle to buy and run a house today so having one each suggests a certain level of financial comfort.
I think we are storing up huge social problems for the future. One way to help things would be to legalize prenuptial agreements in this country and make them legally binding.
People could then consider living together without worrying about possibly destroying their future security - important given that statistically you’re more likely to split than stay together!
Witches of Eastwick said,
May 25, 2007 @ 7:47 pm
Rod,
We have consulted with some of the greatest female minds in the country over this issue and the consensus is …. deep breath …. that the ‘huge social problems for the future’ largely relates to lots of men living on their own not being looked after by women. As for the prenup, well, we’ve thought about that too and frankly the propertyless individuals would be taking a huge gamble if after many years things went pear shaped. There’s no easy answer here we suspect and the overly cautious could well lose out in the end, unless they like living alone.
Can agreements be drawn up by a solicitor to help ease the mind of those who ponder such matters? Since everything in life is a gamble, sometimes you’ve just got to trust to instinct but hope for the best.
WoE
p.s. on a personal note Rod, your application for the post of live-in optimizer has been turned down by the Coven ‘heavies’ ….. don’t feel bad, Pierre’s application went the same way
Rod said,
May 26, 2007 @ 8:46 am
WoE
don’t worry about men on their own. If they don’t have a woman to support they can easily afford to finance domestic help to do the mundane chores a wife would do
As to prenups, they can be drawn up but have no legal standing in this country. There is no exact legal formula as such either. The judge decides on the day !
As with most things in life today, nothing seems to get better or easier for those who have worked and support themselves !
Off to cut the grass with my new (ly overhauled lawnmower)
Enjoy the weekend
RC
Little Witchlet said,
May 26, 2007 @ 11:01 pm
WoE
What is all this - men looked after by women - are you suggesting this should be the norm - whoops - don’t tell him! Oh must dash, dearest hubby’s favourite rhubarb crumble, that I made specially for him, is about ready!!
“Division of labour” - would you agree that chores are as sexist in the 21st century as they ever were?!
Little Witchlet
Witches of Eastwick said,
May 27, 2007 @ 11:34 am
LW,
Coven life is, as you know, quite different to it’s mortal counterpart … thank goodness we have no proverbial flies on our walls, crumble or no crumble!
As for division of mundane chores, then on the whole women are doing the lion share … apparently it’s in our genetic makeup bag, plastic lid intact hopefully
WoE
p.s. our new career move involves the selling of Stepford aprons …. can we put you down for one?
Rod said,
May 27, 2007 @ 11:49 am
WoE
no proverbial flies on our walls
Just wattle and daub
I do it all myself !
Having seen both sides I can tell you who has the easiest ride …
Do I need to say any more ?
OK then …
I’d sooner push a hoover and switch the washing machine on than pay all the bills
Best
Rod
Little Witchlet said,
May 27, 2007 @ 1:48 pm
re: hoover v bills
Dabbling in a bit of both, as I do, it is good to know that the superior sex will martyr on and pay the lion share, thus satisfying the male ego and maintaining the illusion of dominance.
Ok, sorry, so that was a bit tongue in cheek! On the “division of labour”, my question is more to do with the nature of the male/female chores. On certain issues, then yes we are the weaker sex - some jobs are indeed beyond most women, lifting stuff etc. But many chores are unisex - I can change a plug, redecorate, even changed some spark plugs once…..the thing is, I don’t anymore because there is someone else to do it and tradition dictates who does what. That’s fine if it suits, but, it seems to me that, many “male jobs” give more lasting satisfaction in that they have something to show for their time. I guess that’s my issue!
Of course, it could be that I’m just not a natural at hoovering!
Little Witchlet xx
Witches of Eastwick said,
May 27, 2007 @ 1:58 pm
Rod,
When asked, most women would say they would give their right arms to be financially self sufficient, trouble is their right arms are busy bringing up children, doing mundane chores, working in lowly paid traditionally female jobs and generally being the creative power behind many a throne!
Top of our list of detestable things would have to be the asking for ‘house keeping’ money from a partner. “Tabitha”, we said, “whatever you do in the future, make sure you are trained in the sort of industry that brings home a decent salary … make sure you don’t shack up with a man with Victorian notions of manliness, especially if he snores”
….”and please don’t forget to visit dear old uncle Rod and aunt Wisteria in their dotage, with a basket of gougere and your sharpest pruning shears” 
…..
WoE
Rod said,
May 27, 2007 @ 3:27 pm
LW,
to be serious, I don’t think it matters so much who does what just so long as both pull together. There will always be areas in which some people do things better, not just between men and women but within the sexes.
I think if both couples work then household chores should be shared.
That said, and call me Victorian, if I had a partner who didn’t work, or worked part-time, I wouldn’t expect to come home from work and have to clean the bathroom !
The other side to that is, if I lived with someone now who had a full-time job, I wouldn’t expect her to do any housework at all really.
So I’m not really old-fashioned, I don’t think, just logical (hopefully)
Best
RC
Rod said,
May 27, 2007 @ 3:38 pm
WoE
what you say about what most women want may well be true. If so, then I am surprised so few actually make a real effort to achieve such status.
Some do of course, others are forced to by circumstance but the reality is, and I know you’ll hate this, there is still every opportunity for a women to find a man and, as far as can be predicted, secure her future.
The same cannot be said for anything like the same number of men.
I think this leads to a basic and fundamental difference in thoughts.
Had I not worked for what I have I would be homeless !
Were I a woman, there is every chance I would be married with a house !
I make no points, just state what are, in the vast majority of cases, facts of life.
Cheers
Rod
Witches of Eastwick said,
May 27, 2007 @ 6:47 pm
Rod,
Women don’t seek men in order to achieve a secure future do they? We thought it was largely a romantic notion, coupled with their genetic need to renovate! Wonder what percentage of women become ‘carers’ of some sort, it must be high. Take procreation out of the equation and you’d probably find the genders are not so different but there will always be some ‘what have and some what don’t’.
Rest assured Rod, if you were a woman you’d be a size zero and highly sought after by lots of men making proposals. As a friend, we would have to warn you about that sort of man
WoE
Rod said,
May 27, 2007 @ 7:15 pm
WoE,
I don’t think women are “gold diggers” per se, that is not my point, I merely mean that because there are so many women who have their future secured by means other than their own career or earnings it must always be a possibility, even subconsciously, countenanced.
Anyhoo, to show you I am not an unreconstrcuted male, some of the things I have done so far this weekend
Girly
Cleaned the bathroom twice
Ditto the kitchen
Sewed a button on
Prepared all my food
Hoovered all the carpets, dusted and did all my washing
Ironed with one hand whilst on phone with other (multi-tasking ?)
Manly
Did some stone walling in the garden
Stripped a lawnmower motor, freed off a seized bearing, now running
Drank and smoked a lot
Moved and laid some paving slabs
[edited]
Lifted weights
All the above clearly demonstrates either:
A: I am very versatile
B: I am gay
Witches of Eastwick said,
May 27, 2007 @ 10:10 pm
Rod,
Out of interest, did point five under the heading manly, involve anyone else? Speaking of your headings girlie and manly …. well we have achieved much the same ….. sorry to hear about your seized bearings by the way, probably an age thing
WoE
Little Witchlet said,
May 28, 2007 @ 12:55 am
Rod
As you say pulling together on the division of labour, working as a team etc is the ideal and fortunately that is pretty much what happens in our relatively functional, if not chaotic, household. Once upon a time, I could have been self-sufficient - managerial job, good salary and all that, but I couldn’t wait to get out and be the scatty housewife/mother - guess that says something! And my now wonderfully expressive job is pure escapism from the hoovering!
A feeling of inadequacy on the domestic engineer front is no doubt the root of a niggling guilt!
Little Witchlet x
ps. Did you really clean the bathroom twice in one weekend?!
Rod said,
May 28, 2007 @ 9:04 am
WoE
firstly, no comment !
Secondly, the seized bearings were not mine, more of a gift that turned into, after the blade was reprofiled and sharpened, an excellent piece of kit !
Best
Rod
Rod said,
May 28, 2007 @ 9:11 am
LW,
sounds like you’ve got it cracked ! All your ducks in a row as those with a lack of imagination might say.
To also do what you love for a living must surely be the best job in the world ?
As to my bathroom: I clean and disinfect the whole bathroom every day of the week, without fail !
Cleanliness is next to godliness (no emails about the lack of capital G please)
Time to cook my breakfast
Happy Whitsun (I think)
Rod
Little Brother said,
May 28, 2007 @ 10:32 pm
Rod,
Re Girly/Man thing. This weekend I cleaned my house from top to bottom, washed, ironed and perfumed the house with a delightful scent called Sarawak which reminded me of a holiday there a couple of years ago. Went to the gym and managed four sets of ten with 405lb shoulder shrugs before stopping of to buy some lillies for my dining room-am I gay?
LB
ps forgot to mention finishing the evening off with some high volume Motorhead on dvd-gay, my a**e!!
Rod said,
May 29, 2007 @ 9:05 am
LB
I think you can relax, for now !
If you find yourself listening to Cher rather than Motorhead or contemplate trading the Beemer in for a new Mini Cooper then you may need to think again
Best
Rod
Witches of Eastwick said,
May 29, 2007 @ 9:51 am
LB,
We thought your ability in the kitchen was good enough …. but lillies in the dining room may elevate you to honorary Diamuid Gavin status!
WoE