Sherlock Holmes New BBC TV Show
The BBC has announced they are to produce a spin-off TV show.
God help us
The show will feature Jonathan Pryce as Sherlock Holmes and Bill Paterson as Dr Watson and is said to be titles The Baker Street Irregulars.
The whole thing sounds and smells like a crock!
Sherlock Holmes is an institution, it’s life on television was sealed by Jeremy Brett and his ultimate portrayal of the resident of 221b Baker Street.
Such a definitive performance renders everything else subsequently pointless.
The BBC get a huge sum of money from the British public who cannot avoid the punitive tax the is the TV Licence - the very least they can do is have and original thought or idea.
Is there anything original on the box today?
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 20, 2006 @ 1:06 pm
Rod, there is certainly nothing original on television. Not wishing to suppose we can bring anything new to the screen, we have decided to update the old classic ….. The Bridges of Madison County …. or as it is now called, The Drain Covers of Wold County. I shall play the lead of course and you, as son of Clint, will be the obvious choice for the vagrant photographer. I have approached George and the lovely Keira to be the stand-ins for the bath scene etc. Not quite sure how to slip into the plot, the Roulin Rouge/Rocky Horror Show glamour but pondering this will help as the day’s usual chores take place. Just as soon as financial backing is secured, filming will begin. Don’t expect a sumptuous trailer, yours will more than likely be Ted the Grocer’s van.
ps Would you say having no acting ability, even in school, would jeopardize the project? WoE
Rod said,
October 20, 2006 @ 1:35 pm
WoE,
lack of acting ability will prove no barrier, talent is no longer a prerequisite for performers of any kind today - indeed it may even be a handicap.
My only concern is that you are planning a chick flick. Whilst I like to think I am in touch with my feminine side, my dander is up today.
Testosterone coursing through my veins !
This condition has been further exacerbated by too much meat, a recovered neck, Judas Priest, Motorhead and Ozzy.
Only manly things will do today, so I propose a remake of Rambo with me in the lead!
By the time everything is in place the, soon to be resculptured, Goldeneye body should be ready for public unveiling.
Further to this increase in machismo, I have asked The Coxeman if he can spare me a small vial of Stallion aftershave!
Regards
Rod
The Coxeman said,
October 20, 2006 @ 1:38 pm
>>Further to this increase in machismo, I have asked The Coxeman if he can spare me a small vial of Stallion aftershave!
Are you sure? The last time you had a go with it was about a month or so ago, a small dab behind the ears lead to you being briefly molested by a hot chick and left you with a groin strain I seem to recall.
I cannot, in all conscience, allow someone in your decrepit state to dabble with the awesome power of Stallion !
Keep it Up! (if you still can)
The Coxeman
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 20, 2006 @ 2:56 pm
Rod, a dab of Jeyes Fluid might suit your macho image all the more. Just think if even a drop of Stallion slipped into the Grimsby watercourse there would undoubtedly be riots, whereas harmless JF would do nothing more than clean up the town, killing two birds with one stone …..
ps Rambo quoting Voltaire is sure to be a winner. What other qualities could you bring to this demanding role? WoE
Rod said,
October 20, 2006 @ 3:16 pm
WoE,
there is much in what Rod Damon says about the potential of his secret formula Stallion aftershave, god forbid it should get abroad in Lincolnshire.
In retrospect I was, perhaps, a little over ambitious in wanting to try it again, the folly of trying to relive one’s youth!
How perceptive of you to pick up on the Voltaire theme, I had planned to try and marry the action of Rambo with the verbosity of Candide.
Once again, an ambitious project but when I fire I like to aim high
I shall bring some added man points to the role, a finely honed torso and devilish good looks. As is clear to some, this is an area that requires a little work and possibly some camera trickery but I hope to be in fine stead before filming starts.
The all star red carpet premier will take place at the Grimsby Auditorium with regular contributors all getting VIP passes free of charge.
I shall also need a glamorous hot chick on my arm for the paparazzi, applications are invited and lest anyone be worried there would be no obligation to do anything unpleasant
Regards
Rod
thonged chick said,
October 20, 2006 @ 10:02 pm
Rod,
I would like to apply for the role of glam hot chick, on the understanding, that there would be total obligation to participate in all things unpleasant!!
Stallion aftershave is a must, I am sure no one in Grimsby needs Jeyes fluid, you do not suffer with OCD, as you have fresh ,clean, sea air to inhale every day, including the odd waft of Stallion, Paradise!!!!
Re Groin strain. I know a fantastic cure, let me know when and if, it happens again and i will open the doors of my treatment room for you, day or night, just call………
love
TC xx
Little Brother said,
October 20, 2006 @ 10:38 pm
Thong Chick,
Having lived in fish town for the first twenty years of my life I can never remember smelling fresh, clean, sea air-quite the opposite!
WoE-Re Bridges of Madison County, both Big Brother and myself like the part played by Clint Eastwood, especially the bit at the end where she buggers off and leaves him to enjoy his bachelor life-I could play the early years when he was a handsome young photographer and BB could play the craggy old cowboy in a beat up old Ford! Better hurry up because I’ve just been offered the lead part in ‘Brad Pitt-Well Fit’
Rod said,
October 21, 2006 @ 9:26 am
Thonged Chick,
you are running first place for the job of arm candy for the premier. Be careful when we get out of the limo though as those paparazzi will be looking for a shot that confirms your name
You are absolutely correct, the tang of the sea air has helped make me the man I am today.
I would urge caution if you get a waft of Stallion as that can only mean Rod Damon is in the vicinity.
Also, I may need to do a preliminary check of your treatment room and the services you provide.
Regards
Rodent
Rod said,
October 21, 2006 @ 9:27 am
Little Brother
Amen to that brother !
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 21, 2006 @ 10:20 am
Little Brother/Clint
Now why didn’t we think of that …. what a splendid idea. Are you cheap? It’s just that this will be a low budget film and we may all have to play lots of roles. Rod’s second role is Ted the flat cap wearing grocer ….. not in the original movie I know, but the part was made for him …. can’t think who could take on nurse Gladys Emmanuel, that may well fall to me alas. Then there’s the issue of Nicole and the moulin girls ….
Props for Clint: one poncho, one cigar, one camera, one rifle, one can-can skirt …. we need to inject this film with crowd pleasing elements to ensure success.
Props for Rambo: one rubber stick-on torso, one bottle fake tan, one quirky lip prosthetic, one pair boxing shorts/can-can skirt ………….
I’m still working on the rest …… WoE (Director)
Little Brother said,
October 21, 2006 @ 2:30 pm
WoE,
Of course I’m cheap-it’s in the blood! I cannot do the cigar bit unless I’m playing Bill Clinton when I don’t have to smoke it, so I’ll leave that to your artistic integrity. As for crowd pleasing I could always shoot Redeye the Cross Dressing Cowboy-I’ve wanted to do that for some time! Once he’s out of the picture I get the girls!
Rod said,
October 21, 2006 @ 7:30 pm
Little Brother
>>Once he’s out of the picture I get the girls!
You can have them now, they’re not worth the effort!
Little Brother said,
October 21, 2006 @ 11:01 pm
Redeye,
Oh dear, that comment could cost you 95% of your viewers! Girls will be girls but they’re still better to look at than ourselves or Mr.Chapman of Lincoln!
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 22, 2006 @ 12:05 am
Well said LB/Clint …. that golf ball incident has obviously gone to his head …and anyway we small band of witches always think of Rod as one of the girls, it’s a sort of honorary position ….. his knitting is coming along nicely too.
Enough small talk, get those can-can skirts on boys and lets see some high kicking! WoE
Rod said,
October 22, 2006 @ 7:42 am
Little Brother
I’ll give you that one
Rod said,
October 22, 2006 @ 7:44 am
WoE
That’s just cost me 50 man points !
Regards
Rod
Little Brother said,
October 22, 2006 @ 9:03 am
Rod,
You’ll be crying in public next!
Rod said,
October 22, 2006 @ 9:24 am
Little Brother
the loss of man points may lead to this, today I shall seek to claw some back.
If I see an allligator in the river as I walk shortly I shall dive in, knife between teeth, and make like Johnny Weissmuller!
Until Later
Rod
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 23, 2006 @ 12:05 am
Rod, on average how many man points should a man have? Some of us are unsure how these are won or lost, perhaps you could clarify and then the girls can see if they agree or not. WoE
Rod said,
October 23, 2006 @ 9:12 am
WoE,
discussing man points in detail with women is pointless, they are unlikely to grasp the finer aspects.
There is a brief rundown in the Glossary of Terms though
http://www.rodcollins.com/wordpress/glossary-of-terms/
Points are awarded, generally in the single figure range, so anything gained or lost in double figures is a big deal.
Without giving away the secrets I feel I can say that Rod Damon aka The Coxeman has more man points than anyone I know personally.
To take someone famous Russell Crowe does rather well as did the late great Oliver Reed.
Regards
Rod
Ursula said,
October 23, 2006 @ 12:06 pm
Grasping the finer aspects dear boy, is something women excel at. Seems to me that men are awarding themselves points to impress other men. They may get a good deal further by finding out how women award points. Modelling themselves on Oliver Reed for instance, gives a limited number of points … womanising, hard drinking and fighting imaginary beasts .. any finer aspects missing? However, Russell Crowe scored highly for all of ten minutes as I recall ….you may have heard the cry ‘man over board’, ably assisted by the toe of my latest gem encrusted Choo in his case.
I suspect you, Mr Collins, are an altogether more complex specimen which may require further study. With this in mind I have set an army assault course in Grimsby, resembling an Indiana Jones endeavour. I shall watch via satellite. Jonny Wilkinson did rather well, as did Little Brother who managed to rustle up a salad nicoise en route, gaining extra points. Do your best. Urs
Rod said,
October 23, 2006 @ 12:22 pm
Ursula,
man points are indeed awarded by men. Of course it is to impress other men - the caveman attitude still runs through the veins of real men.
I may be a more complex specimen Ursula but this is no good, indeed it has lead to the loss of some hard earnt man points - I need to toughen up!
To that effect I shall try your training course as part of my build up to competing in the Iron Man Challenge.
No more Mr Nice Guy ! He will always come second and second is first of the losers.
Regards
Rod - desensitized from now on
Ursula said,
October 23, 2006 @ 2:05 pm
Desensitized, cold men (ie robots) don’t score any points. Women like hot smouldering men with big hearts …. a large wallet might attract the younger girls but it will be short lived if skilful wooing is found lacking. Yes, skilful wooing is an art and art requires sensitivity. Which brings me to Mr Damon whose romantic intentions are represented by widdling “how about it” in the snow. Please tell me, women don’t still fall for this do they? Urs
Rod said,
October 23, 2006 @ 3:02 pm
Ursula,
I am not sure how much faith I put in these issues that women regard as most important
Good sense of humour, looks and money unimportant etc
As to Mr Damon, his success with women is the stuff of legend
That’ll do for the new improved Rod
I’ve tried that, waste of time - got me nowhere just as The Coxeman said it would - the new Rod Collins will pay much more attention to Rod Damon in the future!
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 23, 2006 @ 3:44 pm
Rod, we can see your feathers have been ruffled but take care not to put all your eggs in Mr Damon’s basket. It could result in a rotten roue omelette, or a Street Car Named Disaster etc.
Bet you look handsome with your feathers ruffled though …… WoE
p.s. good luck in the Iron Gait - John Wayne Challenge, you should walk it!!
Rod said,
October 23, 2006 @ 4:21 pm
WoE
I shall throw my lot in with The Coxeman’s Dogma and take my chances I think.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained
>>Bet you look handsome with your feathers ruffled though …… WoE
You may inspect my plumage tomorrow, all being well
Redaneleye