Play Great Golf Instantly
Goldeneye Goes Golfing !
This comes as much a surprise to me as it does you my dear culture vultures but fear not I have no intention of being a golf bore !
My initial problem with golf was that it would be, like most sports, tedious and better suited to those further down the evolutionary scale than myself, but, never let it be said your host is intractable …
So it was with an open mind, and later open wallet, that the call of the driving range was answered and, suitably attired, I hi-hoed thither in my customary jocular manner.
The customary commercial preliminaries completed saw me standing on a driving range with 2 golf bats and 100 golf balls.
This doesn’t look too difficult I thought, once again managing to overcome my lifetime disability of lack of confidence, and indeed - such proved to be the case !
Golf is Remarkably Easy !
My first ever shot produced a perfectly straight drive that landed at the 250 yard marker !
Being a virginal golfist I knew not whether this was particularly good or not ?
Mentally, I noted the range only extended another 50 yards in its entirety which suggested either a good shot or a local shortage of land.
Visually, I noted my fellow golfists appeared to be falling somewhat short of this mark - so feeling pleased, and not a little smug, I proceeded to do much the same with the remaining 99 balls.
I narrowly missed bagging a seagull which was disappointing, I also managed to clear the fencing several times - once even making the River Freshney.
I think I may well take it up, I enjoyed myself and the whole thing was remarkably easy. Perhaps somewhat naively I thought it would require some practice and effort but it seems not.
Just as well really, life’s too short to devote time to trying to learn anything new - if at first you don’t succeed give up would be my advice to the youth of today !
The first job will be to buy my own bat - I only want one - should be all I’ll need.
Next job will be a suitable wardrobe - naturally I need to be appropriately attired as I stride across the links like a colossus. Below is an artists impression of the look I shall be going for
Wish Me Luck
Fore !
Rod
Little Brother said,
October 22, 2007 @ 7:49 pm
Rod,
Reminds me of when Andy T and I took pro lessons, the instructor watched all of us in turn, giving advice. I was number six in line, Andy no 7. As he made his way down towards me I couldn’t hit the ball to save my life, much to Andy’s pleasure. When he got to me I cracked three stonking drives in a row and he told me I was a natural! Andy’s turn, he was sweating with fright as he took a great swing and let go of the club! The three of us watched as it went straight over the huge fence and hit a shed. I was on my knees, crying with laughter. I shall never forget the look on his face.
LB
Jordan said,
October 23, 2007 @ 8:34 am
RC
Oh my God!
Jordan
Femme Fatale said,
October 23, 2007 @ 9:50 am
Rod,
Its a Golf Club!
No point having the full attire if you have not got the correct terminology.
FF
xx
Rod said,
October 23, 2007 @ 9:51 am
LB
I too remember the incident, though sadly didn’t witness it first-hand.
A timeless classic - never to be forgotten
Jordan
I thought you’d be impressed !
RC
Jordan said,
October 23, 2007 @ 10:31 am
RC
Not in the slightest.
Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.
Jordan
Rod said,
October 23, 2007 @ 10:33 am
FF
if you’d seen the way I held it you’d readily agree it was nearer a baseball bat than a golf club
RC
PS: In the interests of ‘cleaning’ the site up you’ll all notice how I specifically left out all mention of ‘grip’ and ’shaft’ etc !
It’s not easy but I’m trying
Rod said,
October 23, 2007 @ 10:52 am
Jordan
I was unaware of this potentially career ending historical fact.
I cannot see me pursuing any sport that originated in Scotland
Rod
PS: In the interests of ‘cleaning’ the site up you’ll all notice how I specifically left out all mention of ‘cabers’ and ‘tossing’
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 23, 2007 @ 10:58 am
Rod,
To save on the Collins purse strings we’ve managed to locate a vintage plastic golf bat in the Coven shed … multi-coloured and short, with the odd dent, it looks a cheerful number and bound to get you noticed if the fetching outfit fails. You’ll need a caddy of course and we’ve sized up a nice vibrant shopping trolley which should fulfil all requirements including snacks. We’re certain that in no time Vuitton will be called upon to design your ‘wheels’.
Women love golfers Rod, you only have to look at some ‘fatty’ strolling around St Andrews in his cashmire sweater to realise there’d be no competition
WoE
A Retired Bookdealer said,
October 23, 2007 @ 4:10 pm
Golf ! , never tried it, never seen the point, why whack a ball 250 yards, you only have to fetch it back, might as well have kept hold of it in the first place.
On a serious note, sounds as though you are looking for a new hobby or interest, I am sure there are numerous pastimes to be found locally, everything can be found in the county of Lincolnshire, its just knowing when and where.
Anyway must dash, I have had one of those days, everything has gone wrong that could go wrong, as such I must rectify the situation,
no point in finishing the day on a downer…..
Little Brother said,
October 23, 2007 @ 4:26 pm
ARB,
Brilliant! That said there is little to beat aiming at the buggy that drives past collecting the practice balls!
LB
A Retired Bookdealer said,
October 23, 2007 @ 5:23 pm
Lb,
Ok, what I am about to tell you is true, beat this for aiming at something in the name of sport.
Many years ago when I was at school, my interest in sport was nil, but I did have a gift for wanging, chucking or whacking something.
I shall go on, anyway we had a PE teacher, a part time stand-in, I believe his speciality was drama, ok you got the picture.
Anyway back to the story, I stood there with a lit Players No6 in one hand and a Javelin in the other to my left was another teacher, a possible school record was on the cards and a jerk was standing in the line-of-fire waving his arms around, shouting that I should have a go at the record, great I had a target, let him have it was the cry from the spectators behind.
With a fag clenched tightly between my teeth I set about launching the javelin, away it went, I knew when this thing was in the air it was going to be the ultimate javelin throw, only one problem, there is still a jerk in the line-of-fire waving his arms around and to my back all I could hear were the spectators hearts thumping. Anyway it missed, not by much, but enough to upset him and get me the cane.
Little Brother said,
October 23, 2007 @ 5:53 pm
ARB,
Spot on!
LB
A Retired Bookdealer said,
October 23, 2007 @ 6:32 pm
Lb,
I must admit at the time I was a little amazed as to why this bloke was running around on the Javelin field, especially when everyone else was at the other end.
I suppose he had been watching the Olympics at some point, you know when a couple of men stand in the field with a tape measure waiting for a javelin to land, very odd behaviour, every time someone was about to throw he would shout out “let me see that javelin fly boy” then stand and watch it when in the air.
Obviously like most of us standing out there in all weathers, sport was perhaps not his thing either.
Can you remember those cross-country runs, five miles in the middle of winter, what was all that about, and all that messing about with one of those spring boards and vaulting-horse-things. I wonder if they still do all that, I mean we are talking a lot of years ago, but things may not have altered that much.
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 23, 2007 @ 6:49 pm
ARB,
Just think what you could have achieved with a proper javlin throwers belt and modern day kit.
Women love javlin throwers you know, you only have to look at Jan Zelezny in his prime!
WoE