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No Room at the Inn

No Room at the Inn
There’s a biblical reference for you - seeing as it’s Good Friday and here’s a literary one, taken from the title of a book I’ve just read . . . the best laid schemes of mice and men.
It’s a Bank Holiday, usually good news but your host more or less came a cropper at every fence!

It didn’t bode well from the start, early morning opening of the wooden shutters at Schloss Goldeneye revealed leaden skies (’leaden skies’ is in my newly acquired book Clichéd Hack Lines for Would Be Authors) - typical British Bank Holiday weather.
I sat out a short bout of rain and at 9.30 I saddled a horse and rode for Cleethorpes in the hope the skies would brighten - as per the forecast.

Sadly, twasn’t to be, Cleethorpes remained overcast bar the shortest of outages when the sun broke through the cloud just long enough to let us know just how nice it could be. Quite a few daytrippers had made the journey and it was at least fairly busy, some relief for the traders.
A bracing wind straight from the North Sea made its presence felt though it didn’t seem to stop the hardy folk of Yorkshire doing beach type things in beach type clothing - hardy folk these northerners :)

After quite a bit of walking I decided, somewhat rashly, to treat myself and do what I did a while ago and . . .
Have Lunch with All My Friends - as it happens an ambitious idea . . .

The restaurant was completely full, people waiting for tables inside and the queue you see stretches outside - who’d have thought so many people would want fish and chips on Good Friday!?
Picnic packed lunch then :(

Duly purchased I sat on a nice quiet bench outside St Peter’s Church and unwrapped my, now somewhat disappointing, wittles. No sooner had I taken a bite when a huge mob, yes mob I say, of people came marching, clutching banners as well, directly towards my bench lead by a man carrying a huge wooden cross on his shoulder.
They all began to assemble in front of the memorial I was sat next to and then promptly began to sing - I shoved everything back in the cartons and legged it for quieter climes.

It was clear the day wasn’t meant to be from start to finish, you can’t shape a day into something it doesn’t wish to be.

I hope you’re having a more successful bank holiday weekend . . .


  1. v said,

    April 18, 2014 @ 7:33 pm

    Maybe not a good idea to sit on a bench outside a church for a quiet lunch on a Good Friday, possibly, sort of. ;)

  2. Amiguru said,

    April 18, 2014 @ 9:41 pm

    There once was a host from Cotes Parva,
    Who’s lunch choice was fish and chips - rather!
    But he couldn’t ingress
    And his option to mess
    On a church bench was foiled by palava! ;)

  3. Rod said,

    April 19, 2014 @ 8:05 am

    good point, you see . . .I’m learning all the time :)

  4. Rod said,

    April 19, 2014 @ 8:06 am

    that’s not only funny but very clever.
    In appreciation,

  5. Rod's Brother said,

    April 19, 2014 @ 8:12 am

    You should go on Britain’s Got Talent. I hear Simon Cowell is looking for the next Pam Ayres :)

  6. v said,

    April 19, 2014 @ 9:19 am

    AMIGURU should go on BGT ? I taught him didn’t I Mon Ami … :) Rod’s brother, I shall write you one, just because …

    Rod, it’s a brilliant way to get rid of “undesirables” though :) .. Sing hymns next to them. I must try that one.

  7. Amiguru said,

    April 19, 2014 @ 10:17 am

    A warning to Cheadle Hulme louts
    Also druggy frequenters and touts-
    Look out for V’s choir
    Who evict undesir-
    able chavs with their vocalised routs!

  8. Ariadne said,

    April 19, 2014 @ 10:47 am

    If you’re so shamelessly running away from a religious rite on a Good Friday, I take it you’re not much of a pious man … How do you then thank God for his providence, your having been born in Lincolnshire?

  9. V said,

    April 19, 2014 @ 11:05 am

    boom boom … :)

    school report

    A++ . Neville has improved his style and use of language remarkably this year to achieve perfect scansion in his piece of course work. He should do well in his future exam and career. It has been a pleasure to have taught him.

    Mrs M. ;)

  10. Amiguru said,

    April 19, 2014 @ 2:54 pm


    You should go on Britain’s Got Talent.” … what is ‘Britain’s Got Talent’? Is it something on that new fancy kind of ‘wireless with pictures’? ;)


    Many thanks for the report! :) I have been practising my doggerel for about 60 years. One of my earliest series of contributions on this site - five years ago - appears here:

    Just scroll down the sequence - it was great fun :)

    Bill Brokenshaft

  11. Rod said,

    April 19, 2014 @ 4:51 pm

    I was praying to Sol Invictus that day :)

    Religion and your place of birth is something which interests me Ariadne as so many people’s ‘Gods’ are simply an accident of birth in the majority of cases, born one place you’re a Muslim born another a Catholic, somewhere else a Jew - I can’t help but think that confuses the validity of many a religious claim

  12. History Hunter said,

    April 20, 2014 @ 1:17 am

    Preferring to eat out than to cook it,
    He headed out with his spade and his bucket
    He sat down for his lunch
    The mob started to bunch
    He said “I’m not eating here, oh f………….or crying out loud”

  13. Rod said,

    April 20, 2014 @ 9:21 am

    you could be the next poet laureate :)

  14. Paul Rowe said,

    April 21, 2014 @ 9:43 pm

    When you retire as I did nine years ago everything changes.Everything is different! You relish the times when everyone else is at work.Everything is quiet.You walk your dog without being chased by someone else’s honde as they are all sweating away in mines,offices and factories.When you go shopping the shops are half empty! The roads are quiet.There is no neighbour fixing his car or washing it. When you go to a steakhouse the place is almost empty and service is fast and excellent ! They are so thrilled to have you as customers . All is quiet and it is WONDERFUL! Retirement is fantastic! I don’t have to get up at four in the morning anymore to ride two miles into the earth down the Gold mine . Somehow I don’t miss it at all. On the other hand when it is the weekend or national holiday we stay at home and let everyone else stand in queues do all the boring jobs that need doing like re -stringing my banjo and counting the number of tiles on the bathroom walls! So my respectful suggestion to you Boss Rod is to go for a fish supper the day AFTER a National holiday

  15. Rod said,

    April 22, 2014 @ 8:03 am

    I too love the flexibility of not working, simply not being tied to specific days makes a big difference.
    I’d urge anybody who can to take the plunge, don’t put it off - if it’s possible go for it!

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