More Idiotic Emails
Some of the more ridiculous and ignorant emails received so far this week and part of last week.
All are complete except for senders name, though in most cases they are too ignorant to include their name
Few of these get replies though if they are polite they get a canned response
Please let me know the following:
What book (PG Wodehouse) and which character is referred to by this statement: “…spoke with a good deal of animation about skinning you with a blunt knife.”
Certainly, no problem mate! I’ll start researching now and get back to you ASAP
I have a James Bond book how much is it woth (sic)
£15,000 at least, accept nothing less
I would like to buy your Ionian Mission
is £50 accpetable
Given that it’s for sale at £355 probably not
I have a very large family Bible Printed by A Fullarton & Co
dated 1868 - is it worth anything?
Lord, give me strength
I am trying to get my first crime novel published will you write about me on your site
Good luck but you’re probably just a little early in your career to be considered for Classic Crime Fiction
How much does it cost to buld a website like this
Like what ! which site, perhaps it’s my mind-reading site
Do you have a payment installment plan for more expensive books. One dealer I know has one and it is very helpful
Yes we do have a plan, we make a full and final charge for the total amount on your credit card then you can split the payments over as many months as you like with your card company
Our Man In the Kitchen said,
August 24, 2006 @ 9:47 pm
Here’s One from this afternoon
“I hear you’re the Head Chef at….”
“Yes I am”
“I had Pigeon at your place-how did you do it?”
“When did you eat it?”
“Last November”
“I’ve cooked a few since then-any clues?”
“It had a fried egg and a bit of pate-how did you do it?”
“Oh, that would be pan-fried foie gras and quails egg”
“Dunno-by it was good-how did………sound of large thud as I felled him with a right hook
Rod said,
August 25, 2006 @ 7:22 am
OMITK
priceless, I always wonder why they think we care !
Just had a bookbinder this morning want to send me pictures of a Charles Dickens book he has rebound and wants me to determine what edition it is for him !
What’s he ever done/going to do for me ?
Roger from Halifax said,
August 25, 2006 @ 4:56 pm
Nice one ,
Great email section ,
All i ever get are Viagra and loose weight quick spam !
” i often wonder if they know me though “
Henry - said,
August 25, 2006 @ 5:06 pm
OMITK -
Nice one with the Right Hook !
Should have followed through with a left though !
Unless it was a down in one !
” either way it will stop him bothering Pigeon’s for a week or two !
” the Soup Sucker !!!
Rod said,
August 25, 2006 @ 5:24 pm
Roger
They do say the art of successful email marketing is accurate targeting
Thanks for taking the time to post
Regards
Rod
Our Man in the Kitchen said,
August 25, 2006 @ 11:16 pm
Henry,
Regret to inform you that I didn’t finish the job off, reserving my energy for the couple who ordered the seven course tasting menu for those with a more adventurous outlook on dining-”that’s us!-oh, we don’t eat steak, prawns, smoked salmon or squid but love puddings”-enough said. Fourteen hours after first setting foot in the kitchen you just want to chin them.
Rod said,
August 26, 2006 @ 9:12 am
OMITK
I would have sent the 7 courses of desserts - the richest sickliest possible
Why do they even bother coming?
Just go to M&S spend a fiver and eat sticky tofffee pudding tilll you puke !
Henry - said,
August 26, 2006 @ 10:19 am
OMITK ,
I can see your point ……… but look on the bright side at least you saved another pigeon !
Roger from Halifax said,
August 26, 2006 @ 10:22 am
Morning all ,
Rod ,
Anymore of those daft emails ?
Been offered viagra via email a couple of times today already
Roger from Halifax said,
August 26, 2006 @ 10:26 am
OMITK ,
Ref -
” the couple who ordered the seven course tasting menu for those with a more adventurous outlook on dining-”that’s us!-oh, we don’t eat steak, prawns, smoked salmon or squid but love puddings”- ”
Perhaps they should get the viagra emails - buy some and then stay at home and burn off some of those calories !
Rod said,
August 26, 2006 @ 10:28 am
Great !
Just what the world needs, another pigeon
Jason from London , East End ! said,
August 26, 2006 @ 10:34 am
Hi ,
Ref the email ,
” I am trying to get my first crime novel published will you write about me on your site ”
I have always managed to get my crime Novel / Biography published on a weekly basis ,
In the Local Newspapers etc ,
though of late does only seem to be a couple of lines here and there !
It also saves on the typing as a local reporter does it for free , you can also order photographs when available .
Jay -
Rod said,
August 26, 2006 @ 10:37 am
Roger,
got one email asking me if I knew how important it was to be ‘in Google’ and that for a small fee they could help me achive just that!
Email from abebooks telling me they have a book I want, the thing is, if I try to buy a book on there they say I cannot because my email address is not recognised
Another email from somebody who offered me a book last week to tell me it is now on ebay starting at only $9.99 - which is $9.98 more than it’s worth
Do I want to buy a first edition of Thunderball ?
“Issued by Glidrose and the book club associates, no dustwrapper, front blank page missing”
Why are some of your Saint books 10 times more expensive than the others
etc etc that’s just from this morning and Saturday’s a quiet day for emails!
James from York said,
August 26, 2006 @ 10:53 am
Hi ,
I also forgot to ask - What is your website ??
My Girlfriend and Sister have a Website, my Mother also helps out part time,
but only when its raining and is unable to go to work,
Its good she is able to work from home as she says standing in the cold is playing havoc with here feet,
I will find out what the website is and let you know,
I have no idea as i only use the internet for reserching my degree in
Social Psychology ,
All the best ,
James ,
Our Man in the Kitchen said,
August 26, 2006 @ 2:56 pm
Saturday’s mean weddings, weddings mean vegetarian bridesmaids who pre-book vegetarian main courses-this means they will change their minds as the main course is being served because the chicken looks more appetising. You wouldn’t believe the amount of times we serve ‘vegetarians who eat chicken’.
The agony of it.
The Coxeman said,
August 26, 2006 @ 3:11 pm
There’s only one thing to do with bridesmaids at weddings !
Also, I’ve never met one that didn’t like pork - vegetarian or otherwise
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman