More Global Warming Please
We urge all our readers to do their bit for the environment
The Great Goldeneye Plan very Important please read on
Here at Goldeneye we are lovin’ the hot weather and need it for longer periods.
To that effect I left my car engine running in the drive last night and would urge others to adopt similar tactics.
Check out the comments afterwards for more amusement !
Hopefully our combined efforts will do a bit to increase the climatic conditions I am now enjoying.
Why only yesterday, whilst returning from my afternoon constitutional walk, I was confronted by a partially clothed, very tanned, Hot Chick ! Aye Caramba - (all too much for your host!)
That does not happen in cold weather!
I understand there may be repercussions with my pioneering idea but given the time scale and allowing for minor errors in my calculations I feel confident in declaring that everyone reading this will be dead by then, so not a problem.
Those of you with offspring and a conscience (dangerous mixture) may stall at this point but I urge you to be strong and not falter.
Burn more fuel, chop down trees and support polluting third world countries by buying cheap training shoes.
This will be an everyday sight if you follow the Goldeneye plan
Spread the word ! Together we can make a difference
Rod said,
July 20, 2006 @ 3:23 pm
Update:
Just returned from my pre-prandial stroll around the nature park and am pleased to report I chopped a tree down. Feeling emboldened by this I saw a field of hay, too good a chance to miss - I fired the whole field.
Smoke billowed into the sky - you could almost see the ozone layer thinning!
At this point a somewhat irate looking farmer appeared. He was clearly ignorant of the Goldeneye Plan, and it’s increasing popularity, so came across as a touch liverish.
Once I explained the benefits of the plan he readily saw his sacrifice was slight, indeed so enthused was our farmer that he set fire to a huge barn full of hay bails!
I congratulated him on his generosity, sacrifice and an uncanny ability to grasp the finer points of the Grand Plan.
Feeling chipper at the thought of a new recruit to the cause I strolled off to the sound of sirens, both police and fire service in the distance.
A subsequent telephone call from the police shed more light on the matter. All was not what it seemed (when is it?), our farmer actually torched his neighbours (and business rivals) barn!
The police invited me to help them with their enquiries. I told them this was impossible as I am due to address a rally tonight.
Sadly this left farmer Giles to carry the can and face the full majesty of the law, and justice was swift.
Up in front of The Beak within the hour!
Justice prevailed however, and our hero was acquitted on the grounds of diminished responsibility. Apparently he kept muttering about the Grand Goldeneye Plan, year long summers and red-hot chicks in bikinis everywhere.
Another successful day
Our Man in the Kitchen said,
July 20, 2006 @ 3:29 pm
Whilst I applaud your ideas to turn up the heat in certain areas I wouldn’t thank you for any increases in heat in my kitchen. As for seeing fit women with little on I would remind you of the national average size of women-some way off the above picture. Sorry but higher temperatures means more sweaty fat birds on the streets with less on-here’s to winter!
Rod said,
July 20, 2006 @ 3:40 pm
OMITK,
thanks for your input, I sympathise with your situation. Indeed the IT department I set up to help with the Grand Plan have just told me the beta version of our simulation program is ready.
I shall get your details entered into the super-computer and start the program, it will then predict your situation after the Grand Plan is fully implemented, details as they feed back to me.
I beg to differ re the situation with the ladies, our tests have shown that the increased temperatures will have a profound slimming effect. The intense sun will also bleach their hair blonde so every girl will look like the ones in the picture!
First results in:
Good news, the simulator says: That a huge increase in barbeques will lead to less people dining out out at your fine dining venue. Leading to a decreased workload and more free time.
Now do you see the benefits OMITK?
Final results just in on the ticker tape.
Ahh.. such will be the decline in interest you will close and lose your job, the bank will repossess your house and you’ll be a down and out (at least you won’t freeze in the winter)
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but I’m sure you’ll agree that it’s a small price to pay so that I can sit in the sun all day and watch hot chicks sunbathing
Regards
Rod
The Coxeman said,
July 21, 2006 @ 4:48 pm
I support you all the way, both morally and financially.
I seek nothing for myself but if you insist you could have those two fillies cleansed of sea water and sent round to my apartment !
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman
Witches of Eastwick said,
July 23, 2006 @ 12:38 am
Dear Mr Collins,
The French have already implemented a Grand Plan of their own ….. it’s called the Riviera. We can’t help but think it’s the place for you and your long trousers. Tips on the art of seduction have been requested from Mr Damon who may have to adapt his technique to suit the women of Lincolnshire!
The Coxeman said,
July 23, 2006 @ 9:07 am
I can heartily recommend the French Riviera, it’s a fertile hunting ground and an excellent training ground for any would be lothario.
Many’s the tumble I’ve had with some young would be starlet, who, for some strange reason, got the idea I was a hollywood movie producer !
Ahhhh the memories, I may need to return there
Keep it Up!
The Coxeman
Rod said,
July 23, 2006 @ 9:12 am
WOE
nice to hear from you and thanks for the holiday tip, the only drawback being I don’t go on holiday.
We may need to rely on Rod Damon to take care of foreign related matters, being an international adventurer he is clearly qualified for the job.
You’ll also be pleased to hear I have retained the long trousers throughout these hottest days.
Even despite a tanned red hot babe suggesting I take them off in her garden!
(and put shorts on of course, lest the above impunes the ladies honour)
The Coxeman said,
July 23, 2006 @ 9:15 am
I’d have impuned more than the ladies honour!
Women are even more susceptible to seduction in the heat
What’s the matter with you man? Get in there
I may need to speak to this Rod guy!
Keep it Up!
The Coxemann
Gary Rudd said,
January 16, 2007 @ 8:50 pm
Hi Rod,
I am about to address 200 schoolchildren on the subject of Global Warming and wondered what advice you might like to offer in this connection?
Gary Rudd
Rod said,
January 17, 2007 @ 9:27 am
Hi Gary
I would advise them not to be alarmed by dire warnings of doom and gloom. I remember leaflets coming through the door telling us how we could survive a nuculear attack with a kitchen table, blanket, torch and a roll of gaffa tape!
Think how much fossel fuel is used keeping the kids warm in cold weather.
Were it warmer all this could be saved - a self levelling situation.
The possibilities are endless, especially were the manipulation of small minds are concerned
200 possible recruits to the Grand Goldeneye Plan
Thanks for posting Gary, greatly appreciated, any future comments will go live immediately
Best
Rod