Feeling the need to
avoid xmas traffic and parking do my bit for the environment I decided I would use public transport for my final christmas present buying trip
How did my first bus trip in years go ?
Being oblivious of bus times I stood at the bus stop and hoped for the best. Incredibly there was a timetable on the lamppost which laughably suggested one would be along at 10.20- how wrong they were - it arrived at 10.19 - I was right to be sceptical !
I was charged a reasonable £1 for the journey into town, bizarrely the return journey cost £1.20 for the exact same trip in reverse - not that the bus was reversed all the way back I should add it went in a forward direction utilizing the other side of the road therefore negating the need for a long, tricky reversing manoeuvre !
At each stop along the route fellow passengers boarded and alighted with irksome frequency. Not being in charge of controlling the vehicle left me with time to ponder and something soon became apparent …
People kept looking at me !
At first I thought it was the usual problem of people mistaking me for Johnny Depp ( I really must stop dressing as a pirate on Saturdays) then I realized it must be delusional paranoia so I decided to ignore the phenomenon and sit their like an exhibit in a museum.
The next thing that struck me was far more alarming - it soon became clear that I was not actually travelling in a bus but a huge mobile Petri dish !
Everybody around me was either coughing, spluttering or appeared to have a soap allergy !
This huge rolling aluminium colossus was gradually filling up with all manner of germs and microscopic bugs - I began to wonder whether I would live to the journey’s end
Thankfully my stop came blessedly into view and I alighted having lost £1 but having gained several airborne viral infections. Other than the real and present danger of viral disease the experience was not unpleasant and one I felt able to cope with again for the return journey.
The shopping side of things would be my 3rd and final attempt at present buying. The whole thing feels ludicrous and brings about an energy sapping malaise ! Thankfully I snapped out of it by actually buying a few things I though worthwhile. It was an eventful trip but I suspect the post is getting overly long …
I was convinced that one of two things had to be true:
1: I was already dreadfully infected with all manner of disease from the #16 bus
2: My superhuman powers and legendary constitution meant I was immune to these bug spraying travellers
Either way it meant I could return to the nest via public transport so to the bus station it was. Incredibly, there was already a #16 waiting ! The bus company goes by the name of Stagecoach and taking one of 2 possible inspirational paths from the company name the driver seemed to prefer the role of Dick Turpin to that of a cowboy and proceeded to charge me 20% more to get home !
Possibly they knew the desire to get home was greater than my desire to leave and capitalized on that fact.
Who knows, who cares, who am I, where am I in fact !
Time for my medication I think