Jordan Katie Price Heartbreak
Here at Goldeneye we are in mourning, heartbroken and gutted !
The devastating news has come through that the ultimate British woman, Jordan aka Katie Price is to have a breast reduction !
Life barely seems worth living anymore. There are things that the honourable British bachelor feels he can always rely on in an ever shifting, and descending world.
Things like Coleman’s mustard, Church’s shoes, PG Wodehouse, The Times crossword etc.
I believe Jordan’s breasts are a national treasure (treasure chest?) and should be preserved by English Heritage.
If a preservation order were to be slapped on them, then they could not be altered without planning permission and a long legal process.
The Ultimate English Rose - Jordan aka Katie Price
I hereby start the campaign to save Jordan’s breasts - they must be preserved at all costs and I urge you all to join the cause - please help before it’s too late!
Jordan said,
October 25, 2006 @ 10:07 am
Sorry to see you all upset. I think you will find that the teardrop shaped implants will look better, so its not so much as a reduction as a re-shape.
Rod said,
October 25, 2006 @ 10:48 am
Jordan,
thanks for insight, the tear drops were all mine.
The lovely Katie is quoted as saying they will be considerably smaller though.
If I could afford the petrol and bridge fee I’d go and jump off the Humber Bridge
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 25, 2006 @ 10:53 am
Probably woodworm, danger of subsidence, they’ve got to go.
Shane said,
October 25, 2006 @ 11:15 am
How do they reduce them ? …….
Is there a cork up her A*** to let the air out ?
Better stand back incase she blows ! you wish !
Jordan said,
October 25, 2006 @ 11:24 am
With a bit of a nip and tuck Mr Chapman, maybe you should think about the same!!!
Shane said,
October 25, 2006 @ 11:43 am
I just spoke a Surgeon .
Apparently you will be under anaesthetic for 4 hours while they remove the implants ,
Details as follows .
3 hours and 50 minutes = Surgeons playing and viewing time .
10 minutes ……………… = To remove the implants .
Presume the whole thing will be on the TV the day after ?
plus the usual spread in the first paper that offers fifty-grand !
….. each ….. ??
Shane said,
October 25, 2006 @ 11:50 am
Rod said -
If I could afford the petrol and bridge fee I’d go and jump off the Humber Bridge
Reply - I know where there are a pair of implants going spare !
Will make great floats !
Ideal as i presume they have spent a lot of time laying under each arm !
James from York said,
October 25, 2006 @ 11:52 am
Rod said -
If I could afford the petrol and bridge fee I’d go and jump off the Humber Bridge !
Reply from James - ……. Where do i send the money !
Shane said,
October 25, 2006 @ 12:02 pm
Rod said -
If I could afford the petrol and bridge fee I’d go and jump off the Humber Bridge ….
Reply - Not recommended as there are enough floaters in there !
Rod said,
October 25, 2006 @ 12:59 pm
Due to popular demand I shall be running two charitable donation hotlines.
1: A fund to launch a campaign to preserve Jordan’s decollete
2: A fund to pay for the petrol and bridge toll for me to take a header off the Humber Bridge
Feel free to indicate your preferences and size of donation
Regards
A despondent Rod
Rod said,
October 25, 2006 @ 1:00 pm
Shane,
You know what I mean!
Jordan said,
October 25, 2006 @ 1:11 pm
Shane: I am sure your vast belly would keep you afloat, whereas Mr Collins trim physique would certainly need some buoyancy aids.
Little Brother said,
October 25, 2006 @ 2:47 pm
Redeye
I know where there is a white estate car left to rust, perhaps you could drive that off the Humber Bridge at great speed-just an idea.
Also could you let me know if you intend to do it before the Motorhead concert, it will save me a few quid on the t-shirt.
Many thanks,
Your loving brother
Blue eye
Rod said,
October 25, 2006 @ 3:05 pm
LB
I am sure the owner of the car would happily fuel it up for me as well, pleased to see the back of both me and said vehicle.
Being an estate car gives me an idea, I could fill it with my money and take it with me - something I have always dreamed of doing!
I shall wait until after the concert and wear the t-shirt (size M) when I jump, a tribute to Lemmy, currently the greatest living Englishman (well in this house, this week)
Your Sponging Brother
Redaneleye
PS: On my 486th look at the picture of Katie Price - Jordan (keywords sorry) I am left wondering is it possible for any woman to look hotter than she does there ? I suspect not!
If only I was a short-arsed, half-witted, piss poor Australian singer !
The Coxeman said,
October 25, 2006 @ 3:11 pm
>>On my 486th look at the picture of Katie Price
Now that’s what I call a woman !
Keep it Up! (and how couldn’t you)
The Coxeman
Jordan said,
October 25, 2006 @ 3:24 pm
No wonder she looks hot with that fire blazing away!
See, how can you can compare Katie with that ‘dog’ of a Miss World? Between Mrs Andre and Mrs Rock (aka Pammie) there is no contest!!
I am sure Peter and Kid appreciate what they have got.
Little Brother said,
October 25, 2006 @ 3:25 pm
Redeye,
What’s Rolf Harris got to do with it?
The above discription has reminded me of a request for a feature on the lovely Miss Dannie Minogue-wish those airbags came fitted as standard!
Rod said,
October 25, 2006 @ 3:32 pm
Jordan
See, how can you can compare Katie with that ‘dog’ of a Miss World?
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again
When you’re right, you’re right!
I am distressed to report that Pammie may lose the Goldeneye Top Slot (she’ll be gutted I’m sure)
Shane said,
October 25, 2006 @ 6:47 pm
Shane,
You know what I mean!
Got it …. Shane
Shane said,
October 25, 2006 @ 6:52 pm
Rod said,
look at the picture of Katie Price - Jordan (keywords sorry) I am left wondering is it possible for any woman to look hotter than she does there ? I suspect not!
If only I was a short-arsed, half-witted, piss poor Australian singer !
Reply - Yes i have to agree a real credit to the bloke with the air brush and pump !
Ps …. are you sure he is Australian !
Rod said,
October 25, 2006 @ 7:09 pm
Shane,
Yes i have to agree a real credit to the bloke with the air brush and pump
Don’t shatter the illusion for me - I don’t want to know.
Love is blind ! Or rather I will be if I don’t stop thinking about her
I bet you couldn’t wait to tell your kids there was no Santa Claus !
Shane said,
October 25, 2006 @ 7:09 pm
Little Brother said,
October 25, 2006 @ 3:25 pm
Redeye,
What’s Rolf Harris got to do with it?
Reply - I think when he was fantasising about Jordan for some strange reason Rolf Harris walked in the picture !
Shane said,
October 25, 2006 @ 7:13 pm
Rod said,
October 25, 2006 @ 7:09 pm
I bet you couldn’t wait to tell your kids there was no Santa Claus !
Reply - All done and dusted , No Santa !
Just the expense ……..
Rod said,
October 25, 2006 @ 7:14 pm
Rolf Harris walked in the picture
Can you see what it is yet ?
Shane said,
October 25, 2006 @ 7:22 pm
Rod said,
October 25, 2006 @ 7:14 pm
Rolf Harris walked in the picture
Can you see what it is yet ?
Reply - Yes , Its a bloke standing on the Humber Bridge in a medium size t shirt holding a plastic tit !
Shane said,
October 26, 2006 @ 11:07 am
What no new posting today ! 26/10/06
Jordan said,
October 26, 2006 @ 1:07 pm
Shane. Some of us are far too busy working! Maybe you should try it at least once a week! Mr Collins is probably far too busy out avoiding large dogs or dodging golf balls, the perils of a healthy living lifestyle! (Most of the time!!) You need not suffer the latter as you dont have one; is the ‘Hog Roast’ ready??
Katie needs no ‘air brushing’ she is always glam, even when she was in the jungle.
Rod said,
October 26, 2006 @ 2:35 pm
Shane
>>What no new posting today ! 26/10/06
Went out for a walk first thing this morning, didn’t want to go home so got the car and went out for the day.
Shopping in Lincoln, would have visited you and LB were it not for the nightmare that is
CannickCanwick Hill!Sorry to let you down !
Rod said,
October 26, 2006 @ 2:40 pm
Jordan,
Katie needs no ‘air brushing’ she is always glam, even when she was in the jungle
The jungle, phew !!
I even watched that, far too much for a bachelor of advancing years!
Oh dear, looks like the old trouble is flaring up again - better go!
Regards
Rod the Shopaholic
Little Brother said,
October 26, 2006 @ 3:04 pm
Shane,
re Rod not visiting:
It’s the last time I slag Canwick Hill off!!!
Shane said,
October 26, 2006 @ 5:16 pm
Jordan said,
October 26, 2006 @ 1:07 pm
Shane. Some of us are far too busy working! Maybe you should try it at least once a week! Mr Collins is probably far too busy out avoiding large dogs or dodging golf balls, the perils of a healthy living lifestyle! (Most of the time!!) You need not suffer the latter as you dont have one; is the ‘Hog Roast’ ready??
Reply - Dear Jordan ,
Sadly
I do also have to work .
Though I must admit I am very tempted to chuck it all in , sell up and move to
Sunnier surroundings,
This I shall ponder on as Christmas approaches .
I notice yet again you comment on my weight
healthy lifestyle … etc …
One should always remember you are looking at build quality ,
Not something that will possibly blow over in the wind !
As for Mr Collins,
I wish him well in avoiding Dogs and Balls !
Obviously neither is of any use to an English Gentleman of standing in the community ,
Epecially a Dog chasing you !
Shane said,
October 26, 2006 @ 5:18 pm
Epecially a Dog chasing you !
( had experience of this when i was a paperboy ))
many years ago !
Shane said,
October 26, 2006 @ 5:21 pm
Rod said,
October 26, 2006 @ 2:35 pm
Shane
>>What no new posting today ! 26/10/06
Went out for a walk first thing this morning, didn’t want to go home so got the car and went out for the day.
Shopping in Lincoln, would have visited you and LB were it not for the nightmare that is Cannick Canwick Hill!
Sorry to let you down !
Shane -
Reply - Sorry to hear you were unable to make it over the Hill ,
Will have to meet up soon ,
Rod said,
October 26, 2006 @ 6:28 pm
Shane,
>>Sorry to hear you were unable to make it over the Hill
I’m already over the hill which is probably part of the problem !
Shane said,
October 26, 2006 @ 7:14 pm
Little Brother said,
October 26, 2006 @ 3:04 pm
Shane,
re Rod not visiting:
It’s the last time I slag Canwick Hill off!!!
Reply - He may get the last laugh as usaul !
Especialy when an estate agent told me recently
” That Bloody Hill will knock about 10k off your house !
Bring on the By-pass , which will be better news up 20k
Little Brother said,
October 26, 2006 @ 11:01 pm
Shane,
Bugger the bloody bypass, lets have a moat around the village instead!
We don’t want the ruffians from up North spoiling the scenery, WoE apart, she’s alright!
Ps I’ve bought Tootsie and The Crying Game on dvd to help me understand things a little better!
Shane said,
October 27, 2006 @ 10:37 am
Shane,
Bugger the bloody bypass, lets have a moat around the village instead!
We don’t want the ruffians from up North spoiling the scenery,
Ps I’ve bought Tootsie and The Crying Game on dvd to help me understand things a little better!
Reply - Totaly agree in keeping the rough stuff up North ,
Never seen much drift down thats worth shouting about myself ,
A lot of Mutton but not much prime Lamb if you know what i mean !
Ps - is Tootsie a chick flick !
Get some quality crap Jap Slasher Horror !
Got a great one the other week set in a Slaughter House !
As usual not much of a story line, and not recommended viewing for a vegetarian
As one would expect it was packed with wanna be division two actors and a couple of quality blond babes just to balance the storyline .
With a mixture of not very well researched butchery, claret and implants it did pass a couple of hours ,
Still what can you expect for £4.99 ,
Shane said,
October 27, 2006 @ 10:39 am
Tip of the Day
Beware of She who may be a Bunny-Boiler !
Rod said,
October 27, 2006 @ 11:41 am
Shane
Never seen much drift down thats worth shouting about myself
Beware of She who may be a Bunny-Boiler !
Very wise - sounds like trouble to me!
Witches of Eastwick said,
October 27, 2006 @ 1:13 pm
We’ve never encountered a more claret/implant obsessed duo before, Rod and Shane …….. your circuitry needs adjusting, corrosion of the male mind is unlikely to be fixed by spell alone and we can see our efforts at golf are not hitting home either.
LB, we don’t like the sound of this boiled rabbit unless of course, the boys are referring to stock. Perhaps you’d be kind enough to include a recipe for rabbit that would do for our cauldron. ps. Women on the Verge is an epic Spanish movie, highly recommended for a man in touch with his feminine side.
Finally, it should be stated that during our years of travelling up and down Canwick Hill, we’d never noticed any gorgeous men either, in fact in Lincolnshire as a whole, with one or two minor exceptions. So much so that we recall the girls travelling great distances on Friday and Saturday nights, to compensate. Wonder if things have changed much. All the class-acts that didn’t leave the county drifted into the market towns in order to find a man with land to offset the lack of dynamic and attractive personalities. Mind you that was hundreds of years ago and we daresay with the influx of eligible bachelors, the market must be more buoyant? WoE
Rod said,
October 27, 2006 @ 1:38 pm
Woe
We’ve never encountered a more claret/implant obsessed duo before, Rod and Shane
In fairness Shane is not keen on claret or implants, I therefore have to do double duty to make up for the shortfall - not easy but someone’s got to do it!
Shane said,
October 27, 2006 @ 1:46 pm
So much so that we recall the girls travelling great distances on Friday and Saturday nights, to compensate.
But did you see them ! ooooooooooer …. i would imagine they are still travelling !
Woe
We’ve never encountered a more claret/implant obsessed duo before, Rod and Shane
I do not drink ! ….. it must then be my natural state !
Certainly agree there may be a minor wiring problem ,
Shane said,
October 27, 2006 @ 1:57 pm
2nd Tip of the Day ,
Beware of Her who Knocks on Your Door Bearing Gifts !
She will only want your House , Car and Life Savings to help recoup this initial outlay !
OH … I nearly forgot to menton if having trouble cleaning your Kitchen Sink ,
use White Vinegar .
Cover the Sink with White Vinegar ,as you would any other cleaning product, leave to soak
( at this point you can go and watch Trisha , or the Jeremy Kyle Show ,
which has not been bad of late .
Return 30 minutes later and rinse of with a sponge ,
thus revealing a nice clean sink,
Leaving more time to watch day time TV !
Now thats what i call a tip !
Rod said,
October 27, 2006 @ 2:28 pm
Shane,
Beware of Her who Knocks on Your Door Bearing Gifts !
Women can be an expensive hobby if you are daft enough to take one on full time, as you already know!
Not preachig to the choir, just thought it may help the more naive bachelors out there.
Little Brother said,
October 27, 2006 @ 2:52 pm
Shane,
Re you watching Jeremy Kyle..please note I shall never acknowledge our friendship in public again. You wouldn’t catch Master Chapman watching that crap!
Naive Bachelor said,
October 27, 2006 @ 2:53 pm
Rod,
The last woman to knock on my door was my mate’s wife holding a baby-is this an omen?
Rod said,
October 27, 2006 @ 3:20 pm
NB,
babies are to be avoided at all costs, unless you are a godfather of course.
Women with babies spells double trouble, avoid like the plague!
Should you start to waver, Dr Rod prescribes a night in looking at your bank books, that should bring an end to any foolish and romantic thoughts.
Thanks for taking the time to post
Regards
Rod