How to Grow and Prune a Wisteria
No you’re not losing your mind ! We are now doing gardening tips !
This week has seen your host trying to catch up with last years gardening 
Things are going well, though it might have been both quicker and easier to get the US Air Force to fly over and dose it with Napalm and Agent Orange.
This brings us to the problem of growing and cultivating a Wisteria.
When do you prune it - how much do you cut back etc
Well, the books say something like, prune at 10.36 am on the 24th of April, ensuring the ambient temperature is 15c and trim back any shooting buds by 103.5mm exactly.
If you don’t do this it will never flower - they are notoriously difficult to grow and cultivate.
Well here’s the Goldeneye method ………………. do bugger all ! …………leave it alone
As you can see it works as well
The entrance to the grounds of La Casa Goldeneye
As the grounds are now taking real shape I may post a few more pictures.
I cannot show too much though as I am hoping to open the gardens to the public on the bank holiday weekend.
For those interested, the entrance fees and schedules are below
Children - £136, 000 each
Booksellers and the unemployed - free
CJ Miles - Free :)
OMITK will be serving a gourmet burger at only £36.95 per person + 10% service charge
I shall be entertaining the children by juggling flaming cats whilst wearing asbestos gloves
There may also, weather permitting, be a formation fly past by The Witches of Eastwick
Sounds like a blast - be there or be square !
Jordan said,
May 1, 2007 @ 1:33 pm
Love it!!!!
For a man you are quite witty! (Booksellers need to be charged more)
Also, Will there be a whole hog roast for SC? (who is very quiet of late - has he gotten a life?!
As for the Wisteria, i always believe that things will tell you when they need pruning, i.e. when you see the new growth coming and the old dying off. Gardening books are for the retired!
Glad to be of assistance again, and again no praise is needed!
Jordan
Femme Fatale said,
May 1, 2007 @ 2:16 pm
Rod,
Beautiful,
I never had you down as a gardener or indeed knew what was growing in your garden, I am speechless.
PS are you sure a woman has not had any input to this venture?
FF
xx
Jordan said,
May 1, 2007 @ 4:17 pm
Rod
The Wisteria looks lovely.
So, as well as being ‘The Eligible Batchelor’ (and after seeing the Miss Grimsby post, I can certainly understand why!!) Why not re-name ‘Casa Goldeneye’ to ‘Wisteria Lodge’
Just a thought (from a woman!!)
Jordan
Rod said,
May 1, 2007 @ 4:30 pm
Jordan
I cannot charge more for booksellers as they are either on the breadline, heavily in debt or notoriously tight fisted
Wisteria Lodge is entirely appropriate I agree, I may have a plaque made up.
I actually have people stopping to look at it, asking me what it is etc.
Yesterday I was asked how long it had been established, what I feed it on and when I pruned it - I’m turning into a gardening bore - more proof, if proof were needed, of my advancing years.
Regards
Green Fingers
Rod said,
May 1, 2007 @ 4:38 pm
FF
I never had you down as a gardener
You should see my dibber !
As to female input, that would extend to “you’ve missed a weed” after I’ve done 3 days work
Must dash, I need to stroke my prize marrow, it makes it grow apparently !
arrivederci
Rodent
Witches of Eastwick said,
May 1, 2007 @ 4:49 pm
Rod,
Before the Witches sign up for the Spitfire fly past (brooms on loan to LB in his moment of need) …. we shall require confirmation that your curtelege will receive the necessary topiarization. Yes the wisteria is splendid but we feel there must be hidden depths to Wybers Wood’s answer to Dermuid Gavin. In short Rod, does your frontage reflect your personality?
WoE
Rod said,
May 1, 2007 @ 5:50 pm
WoE
firstly, let’s leave topiary alone, you know the direction I always end up taking on that subject !
Sadly, I am devoid of any depth, hidden or otherwise, it may be difficult to believe but I am actually as shallow as I appear
My house probably does reflect me and my personality, solid but seen better days, a bit bland and utilitarian but does the job !
Rod-odendron
Little Brother said,
May 1, 2007 @ 7:15 pm
WoE,
For those of us in the ‘inner circle’, if you will, have a much more apt name for Casa Goldeneye, Wisteria Lodge etc etc…………Bleak House!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another gem from the Desert Fox
LB
Witches of Eastwick said,
May 1, 2007 @ 10:09 pm
Come into the garden, Rod,
For the black bat night has flown,
Come into the garden, Rod,
I am here at the gate alone ;
And the woodbine spices are wafted abroad,
And the musk of the wisteria is blown.
Alfie T (edited by WoE)
Little Brother said,
May 1, 2007 @ 10:41 pm
WoE,
I used to smoke woodbines-does that count?
LB (smoke free)
Rod said,
May 2, 2007 @ 9:07 am
WoE
very poetic - I should not be surprised if there wasn’t a room in your house the Alfred actually stayed in one night, all those years agooooo
Witches of Eastwick said,
May 2, 2007 @ 10:11 am
Rod,
…. yes and he’s still here. Alf has been ‘feeding’ on our one liners for decades now, typical man. Seem to recall he rejected ‘Down in the Barn Where the Old Light Flickers’ …. no accounting for taste!
WoE
Witches of Eastwick said,
May 2, 2007 @ 8:49 pm
LB,
What is a woodbine? Can we curry it? Must say LB that we have made yet more scrumptious victuals this evening courtesy of your wonderful spicy mix … tonight black bean soup with a spoon of sour cream, certainly not fast food but delicious all the same.
WoE
Little Brother said,
May 2, 2007 @ 10:47 pm
WoE,
Smoking a woodbine is like eating a special phal at the local curry house, it strips your throat lining in seconds. The soup sounds very nice, I use the paste to rub into oily fish before grilling.
LB (with a bloodshot eye)
L Ford said,
April 24, 2008 @ 3:16 am
Help I have a wisteria that is 5 years old. It was fine but this year April 2008 it had buds and looked like it was ready to sprout and then it just stopped. The branches look dead. What happend. My other wisteria already blossomed and is growing. This 5 year old looks like a dormant vine and the branches crack off. Nothing green.