How to Fill in Your 2008 UK Tax Return
Save a fortune on accountants and do your own tax return
It’s always an ominous time following the 5th of April at Goldeneye Towers - waiting for that clap of the letter box and that thump on the carpet which denotes a volumous missive and soon to be followed by a demand for money with menaces from those lovely people at Her Majesty’s Revenue & Customs …
This year was something of a surprise though, what is even more of a surprise is that I can still be surprised and you too will be surprised when you hear the surprising thing I have to tell you.
Ask anybody running a small business, or that’s self-employed, and they’ll all tell you the same thing.
Anything that changes is never beneficial to us and seems only to bring about more expense, trouble and aggravation.
Not so this year dear reader, though I doubt you got this far, my tax return appears to have shrunk by about 75% - hardly any pages at all - in fact the whole thing was done in minutes !
This cannot be right surely ?
Traditionally I get a form that looks more suited to the business Amazon do rather than Goldeneye Rare Books.
I still suspect there is something wrong as nothing ever gets easier 
So fellow peasants self-employed booksellers save yourselves several hundreds £s and do your own accounts !
That’s the good news - now here’s the bad news !
Don’t groan, as normally there is no good news to temper the bad so we must be grateful for small mercies (any one with a small mercy to offer, let me know, I would be grateful)
During a year of economic gloom and massive price rises affecting all areas of basic living your host has taken a pay cut 
So remember that when you complain that your pay rise barely covers the increase in the cost of living - some of us don’t get pay rises, in fact some of us take a pay cut 
I know at this point you all feel sorry for me but fear not !
A pay cut it may be but when worked out …
the hourly rate is ******* ********** 
If you do feel compelled to help I will accept donations, all major cards including American Express taken, I would particularly like to hear from anyone wishing to donate £16.99 to cover the cost of the Iron Maiden double DVD I somewhat rashly bought on Saturday !
What I hear you cry £16.99 on a DVD !
I know I know, it is totally out-of-character, at times I fear for my sanity
Hope most of you are all better off this year than last year
Regards
Rod
Witches of Eastwick said,
April 20, 2008 @ 11:27 am
Rod,
An interesting account of accounts…. that could be another lucrative role for you on the side, doing other peoples books? We know, we know, you’re probably too busy and what would you do with the extra money anyway…. except perhaps buy a second property to house all your DVDs?
All in all we are deeply sad that the Goldeneye corporation hasn’t declared a huge profit this year because the Witches are busy planning a contemporary glass extension for your WW residence, allowing you to sun yourself and grow lemon trees etc…… it would make an excellent addition to your portfolio and a new incentive for any passing hot chicks to call in and strike up conversation of an architectural nature… what more could a bachelor of advanced years want
WoE
Rod said,
April 20, 2008 @ 3:22 pm
WoE
what would you do with the extra money anyway
Buy real meat instead of extra low fat sausages
The Goldeneye Residence is now a listed building due to the local historical importance of the current owner - therefore sticking a
greenhouseconservatory on the side of it is out of the question due to planning restrictionWe’ll have less of the advanced years as well if you don’t mind
Little Brother said,
April 20, 2008 @ 6:24 pm
WoE,
His house is listed by the council for fumigation
LB
Witches of Eastwick said,
April 20, 2008 @ 10:25 pm
Rod,
Perish the thought of a common conservatory… this will be seduction in glass, a magnet for the insanely jealous which is precisely why we’ll put it in the back so no one will ever see it
You’ll be pleased to hear that construction of a flat-packed glazed Coven isn’t everyone’s cup of tea… unavailable as yet to the public due to a few unforeseen teething problems, yours however will have the full minor earthquake guarantee 
WoE
Witches of Eastwick said,
April 20, 2008 @ 10:34 pm
LB,
We had no idea that he was still fuming … about time the Council did something
WoE
Jordan said,
April 21, 2008 @ 10:45 am
RC
I still haven’t stopped laughing from the joke: “better off this year than last year”
Who is, apart from rich people and the ****** goverment ??????????????????????
Jordan
Rod said,
April 21, 2008 @ 11:43 am
Jordan
you’re absolutely right !
Everybody is complaining about the cost of living now - indeed I hear it from people I never heard mention it before - so it must be biting now.
Wait till the 10p tax rate goes, that’ll make normal working people even worse off.
That from a labour government as well !
Cheers
Rod
Jordan said,
April 21, 2008 @ 2:28 pm
Just can’t wait!
I noticed your new picture, your air-brushing skills are exemplary
Jordan
Rod said,
April 21, 2008 @ 3:04 pm
Jordan,
I dropped a clanger with the pic and took it shortly after eating a load of pasta
It’s proving a stubborn job to finish - everything else is OK but the full on 6 pack is a game - we’re getting there but then that’s what British Rail used to say !
I ought to to learn airbrushing with photoshop - it would make life a lot easier
Rod