How to Buy a Wife ~ The Wife Market
The vagaries of finding a wife have been well and truly mulled over here but I have discovered a simple solution.
A trip to Bulgaria and The Wife Market !
It makes absolute sense really, sound commerce in fact. After all, what is business and commerce - just putting two parties together, one who has something to sell and the other that wants to buy it 
Here we have a Gypsy woman trying to sell her daughter to marriage, I’m not sure whether her appearance alongside her offspring is perhaps the best selling strategy - if it’s in the cat it’s in the kitten springs most readily to mind !
I’m not sure whether the emancipation of women is virulent in Bulgaria, if so this strikes me as a setback if not then hardly a step forward ! That said, we have to be practical, things exist to be used !
Being a free market economy one naturally wonders what is involved in the way of expense. The article I read suggested wives cost ‘a few thousand euros’ to buy - this brings about a couple of questions:
-
If you buy one can you trade her in for a younger model in a few years ? If so, is the depreciation considerable as with motor cars
-
Secondly, and continuing the motoring analogy, presumably different models command different prices. Are there optional extras available, do they come with warranties or money back guarantees if your not satisfied with your purchase - can you have a test drive before you buy
The natural progression from this is to wonder whether there is a Husband Market ?
If so, perhaps I could go there and offer myself for sale - it could provide welcome relief during the credit crunch.
I’m not sure how much I could market myself for as I do have a few miles on the clock and I’m well and truly passed my best 
There is also the worry about being the only one left unsold at such an event - are there perhaps drastic price reductions late in the day
Everything must go - we’re taking nothing home !
A lesson in make up - Keira Knightley eat your heart out !
Must dash as I need to book the next flight out of Humberside Airport to Bulgaria
Here Comes the Bride !
Rod
Little Brother said,
March 10, 2009 @ 9:41 pm
Rod,
Re first photo, it’s a fancy dress party with Bernard Manning in drag and Shirley from Wham! on the right.
A fine effort mate, book me a seat
LB
the dinosaur said,
March 11, 2009 @ 9:01 am
Hi Rod, you do realise before you sign anything, that you will be expected to live with her in Bulgaria, in a one room house or a caravan even, sharing with her parents, her siblings, their children, the family dogs and their most valuable possession - the pig!
I can envisage a B.B.C. documentary about it
Jordan said,
March 11, 2009 @ 9:16 am
RC
Oh dear! Looks like they could do with a Cheryl Cole makeover.
As to the possibility of a husband market. Im sure you could get a few references from somewere, despite, “the few miles on the clock and being well and truly passed your best”.
Your parents have probably booked your ticket to Bulgaria already.
Jordan
Rod said,
March 11, 2009 @ 9:18 am
LB,
you’ll not be laughing in a couple of years when you’re my age and have to come round to this way of thinking
I’ll book 2 plane tickets just in case !
Rod
Rod said,
March 11, 2009 @ 9:20 am
Dino
I have two plans for the issue you bring up.
1: Sell La Casa Goldeneye and buy a Bulgarian palace or town hall
2: Bring the exotic lady back to Lincolnshire and allow her to marvel at life in the big city
Cheers
Rod
Rod said,
March 11, 2009 @ 9:24 am
Jordan,
Cheryl Cole make up tips would certianly not go amiss, possibly given the nature of markets they require a very early start and they had to apply the blusher etc in the dark
I couldn’t run the risk of references, should the truth come out it would shatter the image I’ve tried to build up
My father has already book me several tickets to China on a slow boat which I didn’t take up so I doubt they’ll spring for any more tickets
Cheers
Rod
Rod said,
March 11, 2009 @ 9:27 am
PS
I should just point out that this Wife Market is absolutely genuine by the way, and a few 1,000 people go to it. The pictures are genuinely also from the event - I’m not making it up
RC
WoE said,
March 11, 2009 @ 9:51 am
Rod,
We’re pretty certain that Bulgarian women are emancipated as you will see when she unleashes a record breaking shot put right into your prize legumes just for the hell of it
This prospective bride has the full
sympathysupport of the sisterhood and we wish her well in her new life in the northern province of the Shire should she choose to accept your terms and conditions.WoE
Rod said,
March 11, 2009 @ 10:33 am
WoE
choose to accept your terms and conditions
Choice, I thought wives were simply meant to do as they’re told … perhaps I’m out of touch
Rod - running for cover
WoE said,
March 11, 2009 @ 5:50 pm
Rod,
Perhaps I’m out of touch …. out of touch you probably are, out of sight you definitely will be with that kind of talk when your Bulgarian wife tackles her second favourite hobby of hammer throwing, with you as the hammer. Wonder which one of you will shout the loudest
WoE
p.s. Поздравление драг дама , ти ще нужда към работа много твърд към държа your хигиеничен но с време той ще добивам по-добър
Rod said,
March 11, 2009 @ 6:09 pm
WoE
this idea of hammer throwing etc is giving me pause for thought, wildly at odds with what I’m looking for in a girl !
Possibly I’ll rethink and try and come up with another plan !
RC
WoE said,
March 11, 2009 @ 6:48 pm
Rod,
Let’s not be rash…. once our little message of encouragement goes out to the female Bulgarian public, you’ll be inundated with proposals
Besides, if we dismiss this opportunity then we’re back to square one and a million miles from your nuptials….. as if things couldn’t get any worse, we’ve already bought the organic confetti and it’s beginning to turn a funny shade of green 
WoE
Annie Flinn said,
March 11, 2009 @ 7:06 pm
I am particularly drawn to the young lady with the golden teeth, surely a match for Goldeneye. In these tough economic times, the teeth could be extracted and sold. The price of gold is at a high mark today.
Why are you still at your computer? You should be on your way by now.
Rod said,
March 11, 2009 @ 7:24 pm
WoE
and a million miles from your nuptials
Sounds like a safe distance
Don’t buy a hat !
Rod
Rod said,
March 11, 2009 @ 7:27 pm
Annie
once again you inject some much needed commonsense !
Gold is indeed the only thing that’s held its worth. I had supposed that the price structure for the brides would be on a sliding scale with age and looks being the prime units of value - now I see it differently.
The more gold teeth she has the more you pay, thank goodness I found this out before I flew out there - I should hate to look like an idiot
Best
Rod
Little Brother said,
March 11, 2009 @ 9:30 pm
Rod,
‘Gold is the only thing that’s held its worth’ That explains why Gordon Brown sold all of ours off then.
LB
Annie Flinn said,
March 12, 2009 @ 3:46 pm
I always try to be of help. With that in mind, be sure that the young woman has sturdy hips. They are a good indicator of strong peasant breeding stock. I’ve done it again!!! Damn, I am good.
Rod said,
March 12, 2009 @ 3:57 pm
Annie,
you’ve finished me for good now !
be sure that the young woman has sturdy hips
Sturdy hips are not for me - even at my time of life
Cheers
Rod
WoE said,
March 12, 2009 @ 6:05 pm
Rod,
Sturdy hips might be good at gardening and other manual type labour….. we suspect you are not looking at this from a practical point of view, not at all like you. Wouldn’t want to face Mother if the deal doesn’t go quite the way she expected
WoE
Rod said,
March 12, 2009 @ 6:55 pm
WoE
I am looking at it from a practical point - I don’t need a wife for any practical purpose, I’m quite happy to pay all the bills, cook all the food, do all the washing, cleaning and ironing, take care of the house and garden etc !
I do so now, to continue is no hardship.
Hence qualities like sturdy and robust don’t find themselves ticked in the ‘wanted box’
Cheers
Rodent
Dalibor Lazarevic said,
June 21, 2009 @ 3:26 pm
Hi. I want to buy one woman. Whats the price?
Rod said,
June 21, 2009 @ 6:02 pm
Dalibor,
thanks for the comment and welcome to the site
I’m not sure of the price as I live in England - here you can get a wife for nothing but it costs a bloody fortune to get rid of one
Cheers
Rod
Cam said,
July 1, 2009 @ 3:21 am
Buy a wife? Paul Macartney did that, it only cost him 27 million by deferred payment!
Rod said,
July 1, 2009 @ 8:45 am
Cam,
you nailed that one right there !
Cheers
Rod
christa2 said,
July 19, 2009 @ 6:25 pm
I am for sale…..anyone want to buy? Let’s do this Auction style.
Rod said,
July 19, 2009 @ 6:51 pm
Hi Christa,
thanks for the comment
Welcome to the site
You’d better set a reserve price and vet the bidders just in case
All the best
Rod
Elly said,
May 1, 2011 @ 8:11 am
Dear Rod,
thank you so much for writing such a hilarious story. I am from Bulgaria, unfortunately I am not registered at the Wife Market I guess that if you are native there is some kind of discount. Few thousand euros sounds too much for just a single wife. Two years ago there was a report that a gypsy woman was sold for something like 500 euros. Good luck
Rod said,
May 1, 2011 @ 8:17 am
Elly,
welcome to the site, pleased it gave you a laugh and keep avoiding the Wife Market.
500 euros !
I don’t know whther that’s cheap or expensive
Imagine ending up at the market by mistake, you know that feeling when you go out and buy something on impulse only to regret it later . . . imagine coming home with a wife
Regards
Rod