Dr Rod Best Doctor in Grimsby Free Online Diagnosis
Our regulars will be aware that for some time I have been searching for, and experimenting with, a new career. Well the good news is I have decided upon something …
I am now a doctor !
And not just any Doctor but
Grimsby’s Best Doctor
I know some will be disappointed to hear that The Great Rodini is not coming out of retirement or that I am not going to sail the high seas in the guise of Deputy Captain. I share your disappointments too dear reader.
My nautical ambitions have been somewhat thwarted I am sad to say. I do know a bona fide ship’s captain, Master Under God no less. Because of this I had harboured (groan) expectations of a job offer.
Sadly, and somewhat selfishly I have to say, The Well Travelled Man seems reluctant to risk his crew, ship and career for one of my bold ideas !
Not to worry, I am now going to be a Dr !
I read some bunkum about 7 years training and medical studies before being allowed to practice medicine, this seems over-the-top and a little time consuming, not to mention tedious.
I had a bright idea and remembered all those emails my friends at the New Delhi and Bombay University keep sending me. I got in touch and was able to download a printable diploma for a nominal sum paid through Paypal - very satisfactory.
I have already had plenty of success in diagnosing people so rest assured you are in good hands.
One patient was so pleased and impressed with my House MD like service that she suggested I offer my services to the world - so thanks go out to Gina for this inspirational idea.
If you are experiencing any peculiar symptoms or ailments post them here and I’ll suggest a cure - it may be a little left field but is guaranteed to have you feeling better in no time.
Regards
Dr Rod - Grimsby’s Best Doctor
Disclaimer:
1: We take no personal responsibility for the outcome of radical treatments.
2: This is a free service - not charges at all
3: We cannot guarantee the long term availability of this service
Ursula said,
May 20, 2007 @ 8:11 pm
Dear Dr Rod,
Have you ever thought about combining the two careers and becoming a ship’s doctor? It’s just that our all female crew are always complaining about something or other, you know personal stuff etc. Anyway we can’t exactly invite you aboard for interview so we’ll start with a few minor maladies suffered by most of us mid Atlantic:
breathlessness
hot sweaty palms
hair standing on end
palpitations
restless sleep
raging desire for chocolate
Can’t think what all this means so it’s over to you. By the way the Coxeman says on the whole you are totally useless but that you do have warm hands, fat lot of good that’ll be to us via the yacht’s state of the art communications, still it’s the thought that counts.
Over and out,
Urs
p.s. could you tell OMITK that yesterday’s Christmas lunch of slow cooked whole tuna was delicious, we’ve saved the head and tail for stock.
the dinosaur said,
May 20, 2007 @ 10:11 pm
Dear Doctor Goldenhandshake, I’m very worried about a friend of mine who has taken early retirement and isn’t coping well with it, to put it bluntly he seems to have developed multiple personalities, several names, bogus occupations! He even planned to dress up as Lord Nelson, reminiscent of infamous cases I’ve heard of where people think they are Napoleon. Can you suggest how to treat him, perhaps an institution?
Rod said,
May 21, 2007 @ 8:55 am
Dear Ursula
a nautical medico-man hmmm
A la Stephen Maturin no doubt ? I’d prefer to be Jack Aubrey I think.
Besides, all that sawing off of limbs sounds very messy and could break my tailors heart
I should like to probe more deeply into your all female crew but as you say not being there makes things tricky.
The symptoms you suggest are clear indicators of too much time at sea.
A similar problem is experienced by male sailors, and indeed bachelors !
I suggest putting into the nearest port ASAP and let nature take it’s course.
There is one other possibility Ursula. I have heard a women exhibiting exactly those symptoms …
Just after watching the ‘aero man’ on the chocolate tv advert
Consult Dr Rod
You Know it Makes Sense !
Rod said,
May 21, 2007 @ 9:07 am
Dear Dinosaur
your concerns about your friend seem well-founded. He clearly needs help, possibly electro-shock treatment. This frenetic activity of the mind is usually exhibited by two types of patients:
A genius
A congenital moron
Your friend is probably the latter.
For treatment I suggest a calming influence initially. Get him to avoid anything that may over stimulate him.
Be happy in the knowledge that your friend probably thinks himself “normal” and is unaware how people around him actually perceive him to be.
Your concerns do you credit Dino.
Consult Dr Rod
You Know it Makes Sense !
PS: Fine French food and the occasional gougere are also recognized as being beneficial
Ursula said,
May 21, 2007 @ 11:48 am
Cher Dr Rod,
You may be pleased to know that we put into port last night through high waves and some nasty fog. We were swept overboard but managed to haul ourselves ashore. Clothes in tatters, hair tousled we eventually made it to the local town where a nice George Clooney lookalike directed us to the nearest confectioners. Bars of Lindt between the teeth, we swam back to the yacht to engage in a frenzy of indulgence so obviously long overdue.
Urs
The Coxeman said,
May 21, 2007 @ 12:53 pm
Dear Doctor !
I find when I am [site owner edit for language: about to ‘entertain’ a lady] I lose all the colour from my face and also feel light-headed.
Naturally, this does not affect my performance and everything returns to normal afterwards.
What’s the score ?
Keep it Up !
The Coxeman
Rod said,
May 21, 2007 @ 1:01 pm
Dear Mr Damon
I suspect I already know the problem but my obligations to the good fellows at the Bombay and New Dehli Medical School require me to be thorough and not jump to conclusions.
So, trying to be delicate, would it be fair to assume that for this bodily function to work it requires considerably more blood than the average man ?
Best
Dr Rod
The Coxeman said,
May 21, 2007 @ 1:02 pm
it requires considerably more blood than the average man ?
You are right to assume that, yes, very much more in fact !
Rod said,
May 21, 2007 @ 1:03 pm
Dear Mr Damon,
I thought as much !
Such is the volume of blood required, and no doubt for extended periods of time, vital supplies of blood are drawn from other parts of the body. Normally, this is not a problem for most men, your case is exceptional though.
I have had an idea which is something of a medical breakthrough. It combines both medicine and engineering.
I propose that you have a 2 pint bag of blood which can be attached intravenously. This will have a two way pressure control valve set to your normal blood pressure.
When you experience this massive surge of blood - pressure will fall throughout the rest of your body. This will then allow the valve to open and blood to flow from the bag making up the huge shortfall.
As you return to normal and the blood returns to your internal body this will open the valve in the reverse direction and allow the excess back into the bag.
I hope you approve of my soon to be patented idea !
Consult Dr Rod
You Know it Makes Sense !
Jordan said,
May 21, 2007 @ 1:11 pm
Dr Rod
I find i keep grinning all the time and laughing uncontrollably. I’m normally quite a calm and reserved person.
Do you have a cure?
Jordan
Witches of Eastwick said,
May 21, 2007 @ 1:49 pm
Rod,
Are you really a doctor or a nurse practitioner? Either way your advice could come in handy with an accident yet to happen …. the BT engineer is expected at the Coven tomorrow …. should he perchance fail in his duties and be seen to be rolling around the floor in pain, what should we do? Please don’t suggest the recovery position, as he might and we wouldn’t want that.
One wheel on our internet wagon and we’re still rollin’ along …..
WoE
Rod said,
May 21, 2007 @ 3:59 pm
Dear Jordan,
I am not surprised to hear of these symptoms - there’s a lot of it going about as they say.
I know several other people exhibiting exactly the same signs. Although I imagine somebody could be experiencing quite the opposite.
I hesitate to suggest a cure as the ailment is so deliciously enjoyable.
I recommend savouring it for as long as possible
Good Health
Dr Rod
Rod said,
May 21, 2007 @ 4:03 pm
WoE,
if the fault does indeed lie with BT then feel free to soundly thrash the chap, if nothing else it will concentrate his mind !
I am sure they are hardy fellows and used to this kind of reaction, therefore should be capable of handling any injuries without medical attention.
I am available for call-outs, but only just before you are about to throw a dinner party
Good Luck
Rod MD
A Retired Bookdealer said,
May 21, 2007 @ 4:29 pm
I find i keep grinning and laughing uncontrollably
Dr Rod,
I have also been suffering from the above, it gets worse when I look at my new screensaver !.
Rod said,
May 21, 2007 @ 5:20 pm
ARB,
as previously mentioned, there is aa lot of this about.
I do recommend limiting yourself to 4 views a day, lest the amusement become too much.
Femme Fatale said,
May 21, 2007 @ 10:19 pm
Dr Rod,
I keep finding myself falling in love with people on the TV, at the moment the new Love in my life is the man on the Aero advert, I have a picture in my mind of him wearing my silky underwear.
Is this normal and can you help me?
FF
xx
Rod said,
May 22, 2007 @ 8:22 am
Dear FF,
this type of thing is only natural, my only concern is that you could be left high and dry when they stop running the advert. So in order to “keep you going” should that happen and to inform other readers who the Aero Man is please see today’s post.
Be warned though, these things can get obsessive, I myself had to seek professional help when I found myself watch Barb Wire 3 times a day
Hope this helps
Jordan said,
May 22, 2007 @ 3:03 pm
ARB
Unfortunately I am unable to have a screen saver, but if I did have one I’m sure ours would be very similar!
My laughter is uncontrollable sometimes,
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars”
Jordan
Witches of Eastwick said,
May 22, 2007 @ 4:47 pm
Dr Rod,
Confidentially we must admit to looking at the Aero man and thinking about the Chelsea Flower Show ….. what’s it all about? Perhaps it’s time to throw the towel in, not literally in his case hopefully, lest the girls feel short changed!
WoE
A Retired Bookdealer said,
May 22, 2007 @ 4:56 pm
“But some of us are looking at the stars”
Jordan,
Nice quote.
It took a while for the stars to shine brightly, but it was well worth the wait.
Lets hope they get brighter.
Rod said,
May 22, 2007 @ 5:20 pm
Dear WoE,
I am afraid this is an area I can do little about. There’s no delicate way to put this but I suspect it’s a “time-of-life” thing.
I had a similar experience the other day. I walked by M&S and there was a huge picture of Myleene Klass wearing a bikini in the window !
Q: What did Goldeneye think ?
A: I should blog that, I get lots of traffic on her
There comes a time when you have to move over and let others through.
This may be a bitter pill, it is for me because I was convinced I was getting younger, but it has to be swallowed.
Regards
Doctor Rod
Witches of Eastwick said,
May 22, 2007 @ 7:50 pm
Rod,
As we are enjoying the prime of our lives, we don’t take kindly to your ‘bitter pill’ suggestion. We are perhaps getting more
pickyselective, rarely falling for a younger model ….. or so we thought until Tabitha reminded us of Pierre the soap seller in the South of France who was certainly fragrant and twenty years younger or was it the quality of his goods that masked the truth? With 20 bars of his finest in the closet we may have stumbled on something worthwhile ….. we’ll try the goat and garlic firstWoE (puellaris)
Little Brother said,
May 22, 2007 @ 9:56 pm
WoE,
What’s Polaris got to do with anything? Besides, what’s anyone doing selling soap in France?
LB (still under forty)
Rod said,
May 23, 2007 @ 8:22 am
LB,
I suspect the lecherous Pierre was trying to sell soap. I imagine it’s a seasonal thing, relying mainly on the tourist trade
Rod said,
May 23, 2007 @ 8:27 am
WoE,
I knew you would not be happy but such is the nature of things.
There has to be a time when you hang your metaphorical broomstick up and Tabitha will take over your mantel (please note deliberate and terrible mix of metaphors)
Regards
Young Rod
Witches of Eastwick said,
May 23, 2007 @ 10:06 am
Rod,
The sight of the aromatic Pierre dunking his croissant in his coffee will stay with us through the cold summer months until we meet again to sample his latest cosmetic concoction of Langoustine & Lavender. It may fall to us to break the news that his brand of soap has a questionable future and that he should return to his astronautical roots
WoE
p.s. we’ll try to wangle a sample of his Mothball & Creme de Menthe for you and LB before it’s too late …
Rod said,
May 23, 2007 @ 6:31 pm
WoE
I suspect Pierre will be out of action for some time should he bump into AWTM.
Foreign travel is fraught with difficulties - stay I Lincolnshire I say !