Just in time to see our host, the Russel Crowe lookalike, Capt. Collins complete with learner plates, take to the open seas via the Horncastle canal in Dino’s tin bath … less of a bathing accessory, more of a Nemo’s underwater palace so we’re told. Wearing his latest uniform and blow up arm bands, he’s going to look hot stuff and we anticipate crowds of unruly women lining the banks for such a spectacle (they don’t get out much). As a surprise for him we’ve sawn out the bottom of his vessel and incorporated a viewing window (looking suspiciously like a Germanic car windscreen!) so he can monitor the coral reefs in Lincolnshire’s balmy waters.

As we’ve said to him before, if a woman can sail around the globe single handed then we see no reason why a man from Wybers Wood has a hope in hell !

Batten down the hatches, we be in for stormy weather …

WoE

Glad to see that i have been missed.

I, with the wonderful WoE do like to bring a womans side to this site, male domination is too much on the increase, especially on this site!

A little culture and a womans touch is always needed, as much as you men say it isn’t!

I myself encountered a deer not too long ago, i don’t know who was more suprised. But with a carefull woman driving we both reached our destinations unharmed.

Regards

Jordan

Welcome Back ! ,
from
ARB .

Welcome Back !

Hopefully for good

Slow down, for the little prickly fellas too

Absolutely ! - to all out there: keep your eyes open whilst driving, as the best car sticker in the history of the world ever said - Don’t Squash Me.

Regards
Rod

Slow down, for the little prickly fellas too, you move faster than they do! There is no need for so many deaths!!!

Regards

Jordan

I am not too worried about the navigational side of things, there is a passage (groan) in my Dangerous Book for Boys by Conn Iggulden on how to navigate using the stars.
I would, of course, covet a sextant but I was recently advised by an expert in this field that it is possible to navigate using only one’s finger !
I may adopt this approach.
I only hope he didn’t mean he used his finger to switch the ship’s GPS on

Re gougere, please start baking baskets of it now as I shall need plenty if I am to be at sea for a while.

As to finally being recognised in the new year’s honours list, this could be a better route. I don’t see me getting an OBE for services to search engine spam and hot chicks do you

This is definately the way to go - First Sea Lord sounds about right

Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum !
Rod

Your ‘bold’ new nautical look is indeed impressive if a little warm in the tropics, which let’s face it, is only a hop, skip and great circling jump away from Lincolnshire’s rapids. Nevertheless, the trifling little matter of your, shall we say, rusty navigational skills might come into question so you will require the Witches homemade sextant. It might look like a sea biscuit to some but to the trained eye every rolled oat will represent the major land masses and the odd archipelago. We see no reason why a gougere held up to the horizon should not be sufficient to calculate ones position … the purists in the Coven seem to think you’ll need charts and things, still, we’ll not let the facts get in the way of your imminent promotion and likely knighthood.

WoE

Whilst I understand that local inhabitants would like to see a soon to be nautical hero, think Jack Aubrey, parading through the town’s water course I am looking for a serious ship on which to assume my rightful position as second in command.

What I may consider is a ticker tape style parade and street party to celebrate my heroic homecoming and promotion to full Captain - should the local residents wish to throw such a shindig of course.

Avast Me Hearties
Rod

Once again I have been bold but not over the top, naturally, as previously mentioned, I should hate to look ridiculous on my first voyage

Goldeneye’s Ceremonial Uniform